Speed Racer (2008)

Speed Racer (2008)

Hey, Wachowski brother and sister, what the hell is this?

My eyes and head hurt after watching this movie.

Speed Racer is frantic and stupid, and it has a difficult time deciding for whom this movie is for. Speed Racer is like that annoying kid that runs around yelling and touching things in a restaurant. You want to tell that kid to ‘STFU’ and cuss out his parents. Speed Racer needs to be told to STFU and sit down.

Like a Starburst commercial, Speed Racer is colorful with tons of green screen that is poorly done. It’s not even close to the looking as good as the 300 or Sin City. People seem to almost float in scenes because of the meager green screen effects. This gives the whole production a cheap feel. If the Wachowski brothers don’t care about the production, why should I?

However, I think some of the action scenes involving the cars jumping and flipping over each other were pretty amusing. I truly felt I was watching a live action Japanese anime. The cartoon FX does work for the racing scenes. There’s not enough of that to cover up the bad acting though. Say what you want about the brothers, but they know their FX work, which shows in all their movies.

All the loud and flashy visuals in the world won’t make up for an uneven and pointless plot. The story attempts to have a moral center to it, but it comes across rather scatter-brained. Kids will not understand and adults will be bored.

So, what about the acting?

Emile Hirsch: Every time he’s in the car, he grunts and grimaces like he’s taking a dump. He’s not that interesting here.

Susan Sarandon: She tries to say the stilted lines with some convection, but even a skilled actress like her can’t make it believable. I like Susan a lot.

Christina Ricci: I’ve always had a thing for Ricci. Actually, I have a huge crush on her. But, did they CGI her eyes in this movie? It seems like it. She’s always had big eyes, but they seemed bigger.

John Goodman: Not bad.

Matthew Fox: He seemed to have fun with the Racer X role. He really wasn’t that bad. In LOST you don’t notice it, but Fox is a very fit guy.

At a certain point, I’m sure The Wachowski Brothers knew this movie was a total mess and pretty much gave up on the material, because the movie simply goes on and on without much purpose. Avoid this movie.

It’s just too much.

Grade: D

Did I mention there is a stupid monkey in this movie, and he throws either chocolate or poop. I’m not sure.

Speed Racer: "Let's get it on, but not in the Mach 5. I just got it detailed."