Heidi Montag (Montage Repairman) and her Playboy shoot

Heidi: "Look at me, look at me. I have talent"

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Heidi Montag proves again why she sucks (her Playboy shot)

Uh, why is she even in the pages of Playboy? She has done nothing of importance besides being married to a major douche bag Spencer Pratt. Many people regard Playboy shoots as being a great honor for a woman that deserves it our attention. I don’t see that with Heidi.

And, there are a few things that bother me about Playboy letting her grace their cover and the inside of the book.

-She’s not that Hot: I’m sorry but she’s not that hot to begin with. We are forced to believe that every blonde is supposed to be hot because the media tells us so. She has that big moon face chin that I can’t get over. She behaves like she is God’s gift to men.

-Everything from her personality to her body seems fake to me. Everything both Pratt and Montag do feels planned out. All these modifications on an already shabby frame don’t make it any better. It’s like putting gold rims on a rusty, old Monte Carlo. New parts, shitty car…

-“Let’s feud with this guy and make sure we’re in top searches.” I’m tired of both of you. You go from feuding with the damn weatherman to Hulk Hogan’s daughter. Those are some hardcore feuds there. Who is next, Perez Hilton?

-She doesn’t even get naked in her Playboy spread. Instead, you’re going to hear about her 30 orgasms day. Uh, talk about bait and switch. We don’t get to see under the hood, not that I’d want to, but we get to hear how amazing the car runs. WTF? No one wants to hear how great your fake love life is when they just want to see your fake boobs. Shut up and show the ‘engine’.

The Sun made this report and it just shows how stupid and self-centered Heidi and Spencer (for hire?) are. Here are a few quotes that just make me scratch my head.

From the Sun,

(("I was never very sexual before I met you, Spencer.

"When I met you, I entered into a whole new realm of understanding, from fantasy to love. ))

Yet, you give her 30 orgasms (Organisms?) a day. That’s like the student chef already cooking great meals before his first day in class. Amazing!

((She added: "I feel sorry for couples who aren't as sexually satisfied as we are.))

Oh, shut up. This statement is so condescending that it actively pisses me off. It is a “Ha-ha, we’re better than you” statement.

((She explained: "I'm very religious. I'm a big Christian girl. I kinda wanted to keep those values a little bit. I haven't told my dad yet. I might not tell him.))

So, you keep those values by posing semi-nude in a damn Playboy shoot? Does that even seem right?

BTW, how’s that singing career going?

It is time for Heidi and her man to follow Joe the Plumber into the sunset.