drive like me

Lately, as I drive around this city, I’ve been noticing people driving in a dumb manner, and it’s starting to tick me off. Therefore, in response to the dumb driving in the city, I’ve come up with some guidelines.

When the speed limit is 45, don’t go 35.

This is the most frequent mistake I see everyday, especially when you cant pass the fart-knocker. These guys are the worst of the bunch because they don’t care that they’re holding up everyone behind them. The driver just sits in his car taking his sweet time; as he listens to his personal Kenny G remix CD. These guys need to be destroyed. I just want to lob a stick of TNT at these guys. There are people trying to get somewhere, stop acting like you’re the only one on the road. Drive the F’ing speed limit.

Turn off the Cell Phone, please!

Nothing is worst than getting behind one of these teenage girls that is blabbing on about her lame life to some bored guy that simply wants to get in her pants, instead of listening to her talk about her dull day. Please help us all out, by driving with some common sense, you don’t need to use that cell phone, girlfriend.

Don’t groom yourself while driving at 65-80 MPH.

Please stop driving and looking at yourself in the rearview mirror while at the wheel. You looked ugly before you stepped in the car, looking at yourself in mirror won’t change that.

Please don’t slow down to look at a car wreck

Yes, car wrecks are cool to look at, but come one. Sometimes, I need to be somewhere. These morons look at the car crash and end up being in one themselves. Way to go.

Just because you have your emergency lights flashing doesn’t make you king.

I see these guys driving around with their emergency lights on whenever there is a heavy storm. They hope that everyone will go around them, because they don’t want anyone near them. Turn off those flashing lights, you’re no different than the rest of us.