Cell Phone Jam

Why cell phones suck
~They make people into total pricks: For some reason, people become loud mouth rude assholes that want everyone in the store, restaurant, and mall to hear their boring-ass conversations. Since when did I ever want to hear you life story? Guess what? I don’t want to hear you talk on the phone while I shop.

~Movie watching has been a terrible experience lately, because of cell phones: Imagine yourself sitting in a theater, waiting for the movie to start, when a bunch of teens come in during the long trailer previews. To your dismay, they sit their stupid asses down in front of you.

The movie starts, and you begin to get into the movie, when one of the female teenagers cell phones go off! Forgetting she’s in a theater, she answers the damn phone. She then proceeds to talk to her stupid friend while the movie is going on. Does this seem right?

NO ONE PAID TO HEAR YOU TALK TO STUPID FRIEND, BECAUSE WE’RE HERE TO WATCH THE MOVIE. If I wanted to listen to dull unimportant conversations, I’d get a girlfriend. Why can’t people see that?

The other growing trend is that people will check their phone in the theater. When they do, their cell phones lights up, and they illuminate the entire theater. Why? IF YOU WANT TO CHECK MESSAGES ON YOUR CELL PHONE, GO OUTSIDE. I don’t want a bright green/blue light shining in my face.

~You don’t have to tell people what you’re exactly doing while you’re out, they don’t care, we don’t care, hell, I don’t care.

~They keep boyfriends/husbands in check: Self-centered girlfriends want to keep track of their boyfriends by calling for no f’ing reason. They want to be reminded that they are the center of the universe and you are constantly thinking about them.

John opened his cell phone and rolled his eyes. “Yes, Kathy.”

“I just wanted to know if you were thinking about me,” Kathy said on the phone.

“Yes, I was just thinking about you right before you called,” John said. “Look, I’m into something very big.”

“Okay, see ya,” Kathy said cheerfully.

After John hung up the cell phone, the big breasted stripper sat on his lap. “You want the full lap dance, honey?”