The Golden
Raspberry Nominations are here
Because I love to
shit on shitty work, here
are a few of the noms and my commentary on them. These are the
movies from 2013.
Worst Picture
After
Earth : Holy, crap did everyone take a dump on this movie.
I hate the fact that Will Smith keeps trying to shove his untalented
children in our faces and failing. And, don't get me started with
the Scientology bullshit meshed into the story as well. Smooth move,
Will. I like you will, but you need to move away from that religion
for your own good. And, I love that the studio went out of its way
to remove M. Knight from all promotional materials. They asked
everyone not to mention that M. Knight was directing. Uh, you all
hired him.
Grown
Ups 2 : Did anyone ask for a sequel to the plot-less first
movie? Adding Shaq to your movie also doesn't help either. Now the
movie made a lot of money worldwide, but why exactly was the budget
80 million bucks? Really, Sandler?
The
Lone Ranger : Did you hear that? That was the sound of a 250
million dollar turd hitting the ground. The budget was even bigger,
but Disney forced the production to remove a werewolf subplot. That
should tell you the kind of mess this movie turned out to be. The
best part of the shit storm is Depp blamed
the American critics for the failure...while on tour outside
North America. Sorry, people didn't go see your film, because they
weren't interested. If critics had that much power, all Sandler
movies would be flops.
A
Madea Christmas : Somehow, Perry has made the Medea movies
progressively worst with every release. I can't attack Perry for
taking full control over his movies, but why did he hire Larry the
Cable guy for this one?
Movie
43 : I had no idea there were 42 other movies in the
series. All jokes aside, I've heard nothing but bad things about the
movie. I see it in the Netflix menu, but I can't click it out of
sheer shame.
For me, I think
After Earth or Grown Ups 2 should win the title of worst movie.
Worst Actor
Johnny
Depp in The
Lone Ranger as Tonto: I am not even going to touch the whole
race thing. However, isn't Depp just channeling his Pirates
character in this role?
Ashton
Kutcher in Jobs
as Steve Jobs :
Wow, no one really watched this movie did they? That's what you get
when you cast Kutcher in the role. People aren't going to take it
seriously. It feels like they were trying to channel the Social
Network and failed.
Adam
Sandler in Grown
Ups 2 as Lenny Feder : Lazy with a lazy character right?
All his characters are Guy-Dude-Bro characters that are loveable. In
real life, these guys are douche bags.
Jaden
Smith in After
Earth as Kitai Raige : Jaden, just stop acting. Okay you
were good in the Karate Kid, but stop. Smith should win, but he
won't
Sylvester
Stallone in Bullet
to the Head, Escape
Plan, and Grudge
Match as James "Bobo" Bonomo, Ray Breslin and Henry
"Razor" Sharp (respectively) : He's been in a lot of
movies this year, all of them bombs. He might need to slow down a
bit. We all know he'll win this award.
Worst Actress
Halle
Berry in The
Call and Movie
43 as Jordan Turner and Emily (respectively): When is
someone going to come out say it. Berry is not a good actress today.
Sure, she was good in Boomerang and Jungle Fever, but that was a
long time ago.
Selena
Gomez in Getaway
as The Kid: I know nothing about her other than she banged Justin.
I heard she was pretty bad in part.
Lindsay
Lohan in The
Canyons as Tara : She is better know for suing video game
companies and shitty rap stars for her likeness than acting. Suing
people is how she makes money now, so I guess she was bad in the role
here and didn't get paid much.
Tyler
Perry in A
Madea Christmas as Madea
: There you go
Naomi
Watts in Diana
and Movie 43
as Princess
Diana and Samantha Miller (respectively) :
You might want to wear a Hazmat suit, fella.
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