Kellen Winslow: You can't keep
it in your pants...literally
From
SI.com, ((NJ.com reports court
documents reveal police were called to the scene in a Target parking
lot because a woman alleged she saw Winslow masturbating in his
vehicle ))
First off, you're rich. Why
aren't you knee-deep in a pack of groupies? Second, why are you
masturbating in a parking lot at Target? Do you “get off” on low
prices and car fumes?
Hey, Winslow, there's this thing
called the Internet that will provide you with a cornucopia of porn
and spank material. A Target parking lot is not ideal location for
such tomfoolery. Maybe tomfoolery is his thing too...
Pump 1 pump 2
Now, let's get to the witness.
From
NJ.com, ((As she
exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it
was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade,
she observed the males [sic]
erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The
woman] provided a written statement regarding her account. ))
If there is an Escalade with its
windows down, don't walk up to it and talk to the person inside.
Nothing good will come of it...literally. Plus, there is the danger of "friend;y fire" if you get too close. And, I am sure he was very
aware how cold it was considering he had one of his most sensitive
parts of his body exposed.
The kicker is he had synthetic
weed on him when the cops rolled up (pun?). Why didn't he zip up and
make a dash for home? Did he need to finish?
Winslow
had a completely different tale than the “concerned” lady. From
NY Daily News, ((“Kellen
pulled over to a parking lot to smoke what he thought at the time was
a legal substance,” the spokeswoman, Denise White, said in a
statement released Friday morning. “He changed his clothes in his
vehicle as to not smell like smoke when he returned home.
))
I
half want to believe he's this naive.
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