Saturday, January 18, 2014

Kellen Winslow: You can't keep it in your pants...literally

Kellen Winslow: You can't keep it in your pants...literally
From, (( reports court documents reveal police were called to the scene in a Target parking lot because a woman alleged she saw Winslow masturbating in his vehicle ))
First off, you're rich. Why aren't you knee-deep in a pack of groupies? Second, why are you masturbating in a parking lot at Target? Do you “get off” on low prices and car fumes?
Hey, Winslow, there's this thing called the Internet that will provide you with a cornucopia of porn and spank material. A Target parking lot is not ideal location for such tomfoolery. Maybe tomfoolery is his thing too...
Pump 1 pump 2
Now, let's get to the witness.
From, ((As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account. ))
If there is an Escalade with its windows down, don't walk up to it and talk to the person inside. Nothing good will come of it...literally. Plus, there is the danger of "friend;y fire" if you get too close.  And, I am sure he was very aware how cold it was considering he had one of his most sensitive parts of his body exposed.
The kicker is he had synthetic weed on him when the cops rolled up (pun?). Why didn't he zip up and make a dash for home?  Did he need to finish?  
Winslow had a completely different tale than the “concerned” lady. From NY Daily News, ((Kellen pulled over to a parking lot to smoke what he thought at the time was a legal substance,” the spokeswoman, Denise White, said in a statement released Friday morning. “He changed his clothes in his vehicle as to not smell like smoke when he returned home. ))

I half want to believe he's this naive.  

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