Complain in a Restaurant

How to bitch at a restaurant…

http://www.wikihow.com/Complain-in-a-Restaurant

Found these tips very funny, because we’ve all been through these awkward moments when the service just stinks. Instead of throwing the plates against the wall, here is my take on the tips on that page.

1. Act immediately: In other words, eat the food very fast and then bitch about the dish, so that way you get two meals for no price at all.
2. Remain calm and objective: That means use the old logic plea against them, “I know you didn’t mean to give me shitty service, so therefore it is logical to assume that I won’t pay for the meal.” Alt-way: Use the Jedi Mind Trick.
3. Suggest a resolution that matches your complaint: In other words, make a deal…with bribes. “Hey, I’ll leave a bigger tip, if you side with me when the manager comes.”
4. Take it to the next level: That means break some shit up; make sure their repair bill is bigger than your bill. Hulk out and destroy some tables.
5. Reduce the tip: After overturning tables and yelling, and the cops arriving to arrest you, leave only hand full of Wooden Nickels and Chucky Cheese tokens as a tip. This shows them you mean business…or at least that you’re broke.
6. Seek outside help: It either means, you call up your homeboyz to help you break some stuff up or it’s you being forced to see a therapist.
7. Immediately report any illness: Such as foaming at the mouth…

They also have some other tips…

Be assertive: When you can’t get your waiter’s attention, throw something at him. That should get his attention, or make him unconscious. Or you can get up and go to the kitchen and get your own order, leave yourself a tip too.

Compliment: If your waiter does a good job, compliment him on his good service.

"Thank you, for not poising our food tonight.”

“I’ve met a lot of waitresses in my day, but you’re bangin in that uniform.”

What happens when you get sick from drinking a bottle of Pepto Bismol?

____________________________________________________

Customer: “What is this? I ordered a bowl of flies, but there appears to be soup in there too. What kind of business are you running here?”

Manager: “What?”

__________________________________________Customer: “Damn it, we’re going to be late for the Jay-Z concert.”
_____________________________________________

Customer: “Hold on a second, a moment ago, I was standing where you are standing and you were sitting at the table. I was taking your order and then I felt the world around me shift. What the hell just happen?”

Waiter: “Perhaps you’re in an Alt-world where waiters become customers. Think of it as a parallel world where certain things are slightly different, such as fire trucks being pink instead of red. Perhaps we live in a multi-universe space time continuum where each decision we make instantly creates another universe and so on.”

Customer: “You know a lot for a waiter.”

Waiter: “Does this mean you’re going to leave me a bigger tip?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Waiter: “Well, you did leave a bigger tip in another universe.”