Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Battle of the Year: The Dream Team (2013)

Battle of the Year: The Dream Team (2013)

Holy Crap, this looks bad.  Every cliché they own in Hollywood is crammed into the damn trailer.   It looks like every “Urban Dance” movie from early 2000’s.  And, I find that funny.
Not only do we get the crazy man Chris Brown in this bag of shit, they threw my favorite character from Lost Sawyer.  Yes, Sawyer is pulling a long con job and pretending to be an urban coach.  Please tell me Sawyer kicks the shit out of Chris Brown. 
Basically, this is a real sport or challenge that happens every year. I know because I looked it up.
- “Breaking is like breathing to me” Thank you Chris Brown.  Cliché much? 
- “I’m not into boys.  I’m into men.”  They should have just brought in Jessica Alba or Julia Stiles to reprise their roles as the spunky white hip-hop girl. 
- Okay, Chris Brown can dance, but can he really act?  Yeah, he’s been in Takers and Think Like a Man, but really? 
-Director Benson Lee: This director actually made a real documentary about B-Boy dancers earlier in his career.
We know there are only two ways this can end. 
1 The American team loses, but discovers that are better working together and vow to win next year.  The opposing team gives them props and waits for them next year.  Winning wasn’t important, but them coming together as a team makes them better people.
2 The American Team wins and the opposing team promises to challenge them next year.   There is a group freeze-frame and end credits.  
 John:   That's impossible! Even for a computer.
Chris Brown: It's not impossible. I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home, they're not much bigger than two meters.

Sawyer:  "I fought a damn smoke monster, I can coach a team."
Insert a Sawyer insult here. 

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