Disaster Movie

Disaster Movie

If shit could film and edit itself, this movie would probably be the byproduct of that venture.  Never has a movie felt more rushed and pasted together than this unfunny piece of a shit.  With a few moments of chuckles here and there, I actually came away from the movie angry at the world for letting this movie be released in theaters.  This movie is beyond terrible.

Friedberg and Seltzer, the two assholes directors from Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans, unleashed this mess onto the planet.  The movie was filmed within months of its release date after Meet the Spartans turn into a hit for the pair.  And, it shows.  Somehow, they managed to make a movie even worse than their other entries.  Usually, filmmakers improve upon their past works, and they’ve gone backwards.  The editing and acting is really awful.

It is hard to even explain the plot of the movie because nothing even remotely makes sense.  And, that’s where Fartface and Sputzer show that they have no idea how to make a compelling parody movie.  Most good parodies have a straight or somewhat straight plot that the jokes and references can grow out of without it seeming jarring.  The Airplane and the Naked Gun series are good examples of that.  

There is something about a crystal skull and planetary disasters being linked somehow, but they also throw in killer chipmunks and Beowulf for some reason.  The movie doesn’t even bother staying on track on making fun of disaster movies and goes into other genres.  Screw the plot.

There are points when they would cut away and have a super long bit that takes away from the main plot, and these side bits always ran too long to be mildly amusing.  At one point, Kim Kardashian and Carmen Electra wrestle for a good three minutes and even a horny guy like I started getting bored with the scene.  I find both Kim and Carman attractive, but the wrestling scene was too long.  And, you get scenes like this throughout the movie and none of them are funny in any manner. 

Like other Friedberg and Seltzer movies, characters will literally spell out the joke for you by saying, “Hey, look it is…”  That’s just lazy writing.  If they don’t care about their movie, why should we?

Nicole Parker as the Enchanted Princess is the only performance worth watching in the movie because it is so out there and crazy.  They could have centered a movie on her character.  She’s only thing funny in the story. 

Luckily, the movie didn’t do that well box office-wise.  So, that’s a good thing.  However, that didn’t stop the directing pair from making another movie.  (Vampires Suck)

Avoid this movie at all cost, unless you like torturing yourself.  The movie will cause pain, rashes and death.  This movie makes me hate myself for watching it and the makers of this movie.  F’ this movie and f’ Friedberg and Seltzer. 

Grade: F-

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 Hancock?  Really? 

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 The only reason to even check out the movie.  Okay, don't watch it. 

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Why is Juno in this movie?  Does this make any sense?