Monday, July 31, 2006

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt:

Remembering the agonybooth.com’s review of Steven Seagals energy drink Lightning Bolt, I knew there had to be a way to try this horrible drink. The drink wasn’t in most stores (except 711), and I sure as hell wasn’t going to buy it online.

One day, while shopping in Walmart, I went to an area to buy my normal energy drinks, when I saw it: Steven Seagal’s face poorly painted on a can looking back at me, glaring at me in fact. I read the review on the site and I knew always wanted to try this drink. So, I bought one, Cherry Charged!

It was Friday night and I was getting ready for work. I opened the can and took a large gulp.

It tasted so bad.

Man, it tasted like someone took a juicer and threw in all kinds of rotten fruits. It was a strong bitter taste, and because I paid a dollar for this damn thing, I managed to drink most of it. Yet, I couldn’t finish it all. The worst part was the bad after-taste it left in my mouth. I had that atrocious taste for the whole workday. (Well, it does keep you awake, despite the really bad taste). Folks, I’ve never tasted anything this bad before.

But, don’t take my word for it; Read the Book…er I mean buy it for yourself and try it.

Drink Grade: F-

Steven Seagal’s image on the can Grade: B- (Steven, you were the bomb in Under Siege 1 and 2)

Then I took my first sip. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for that. The initial thought that came rushing into my mind was from a deep, dark place: Oh, that's bad.

I didn't know quite what I had just tasted, but my mind immediately painted a picture of someone going into a supermarket, opening every can in the canned fruit aisle, pouring all the various syrups into one 16-oz container, and hoping for the best. It was like an evil punch made from fruits that had no business ever knowing each other.

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