Bikini Spring
Break (2012)
Our heroes, everyone.
Holy smokes this
is a bad movie. This movie showed up on Showtime and I decided to
watch it because it had “Bikini” in the title. That always means
it has tons of nudity and no storyline. Back in the 90s every shitty
movie threw in “Bikini” in the title. To my surprise, the studio
The
Asylum
produced
this movie. I had no idea the same studio that makes those Shark vs.
whatever movies. Asylum
can't even make a boob-comedy correctly. Why
would Asylum even bother making a boob comedy in the age of online
porn? It is going to come across as too tame for most of its target
audience.
Basically,
it is about a group of Junior
College marching band members
finding their way to Florida. One of the chicks puts gasoline in
their bus and ruins the engine. So, they are stuck in this town with
no money. They spend most of their time getting naked in their
misadventures.
The movie is
dumb even by the 90s nude-comedy standards. It feels like this movie
wants to a throwback to those 90s, but fails at even that. It is
cheaper than those films. The nude scenes aren't that good and the
jokes are bad.
There are these
strange nude montages that happen whenever they think up a way to
make money. They really have nothing to do with the plot, but just
gives us an excuse to see them naked or in bikinis. Look, I'm not
trying to say I am looking for a coherent story in a nude-comedy, but
come on.
At one point, all
of the band mates decide to join a robotic bull-riding competition,
with the men. Whoever stays on the bull long enough receives the
prize money. Virginia Petrucci, the redhead, stays on the longest,
but the bull proceeds to throw her clothes off. While I think
Petrucci is the hottest out of the group, there is no way a robotic
bull can remove someone's clothes. I can't believe I am trying to
find logic in a damn Binki movie. I am getting old.
The
only one that is remotely
funny is Robert
Carradine
as
Coach Gill because he doesn't give two shits about the movie or even
the role. He knows he's in a bad movie and doesn't care.
Avoid
this movie and it is not even worth it for the boobs.
Grade: F-
Carradine not giving a shit.
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Wet t-shirt contest, check.
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Babes in a locker room, check.
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