Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Bikini Spring Break (2012)

Bikini Spring Break (2012)
Our heroes, everyone. 
Holy smokes this is a bad movie. This movie showed up on Showtime and I decided to watch it because it had “Bikini” in the title. That always means it has tons of nudity and no storyline. Back in the 90s every shitty movie threw in “Bikini” in the title. To my surprise, the studio The Asylum produced this movie. I had no idea the same studio that makes those Shark vs. whatever movies. Asylum can't even make a boob-comedy correctly. Why would Asylum even bother making a boob comedy in the age of online porn? It is going to come across as too tame for most of its target audience.
Basically, it is about a group of Junior College marching band members finding their way to Florida. One of the chicks puts gasoline in their bus and ruins the engine. So, they are stuck in this town with no money. They spend most of their time getting naked in their misadventures.
The movie is dumb even by the 90s nude-comedy standards. It feels like this movie wants to a throwback to those 90s, but fails at even that. It is cheaper than those films. The nude scenes aren't that good and the jokes are bad.
There are these strange nude montages that happen whenever they think up a way to make money. They really have nothing to do with the plot, but just gives us an excuse to see them naked or in bikinis. Look, I'm not trying to say I am looking for a coherent story in a nude-comedy, but come on.
At one point, all of the band mates decide to join a robotic bull-riding competition, with the men. Whoever stays on the bull long enough receives the prize money. Virginia Petrucci, the redhead, stays on the longest, but the bull proceeds to throw her clothes off. While I think Petrucci is the hottest out of the group, there is no way a robotic bull can remove someone's clothes. I can't believe I am trying to find logic in a damn Binki movie. I am getting old.
The only one that is remotely funny is Robert Carradine as Coach Gill because he doesn't give two shits about the movie or even the role. He knows he's in a bad movie and doesn't care.

Avoid this movie and it is not even worth it for the boobs.
Grade: F-  
 Carradine not giving a shit.
 Wet t-shirt contest, check. 

Babes in a locker room, check. 

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