Armond White loves Jonah Hex and hates Toy Story 3. (is it BS?)

Wow, Armond White does it again: He proves he’s a douche bag, but a clever douche bag. Mr. White gave a negative review of the critically praised film Toy Story 3 and gave a down right glowing review of Jonah Hex. Hex is a film that is current at a 14% on Rotten Tomatoes. It just goes to prove he truly is a contrarian in the extremist form.

He’s not doing this out of pure bad taste or opinion, but he’s clearly making these contrartian reviews to get a rise out of people. The kicker is that it is working. Armond White is no idiot, but he does thrive on negative attention. Toy Story 3 had an 100% freshness on Rotten Tomatoes until he and another reviewer came along. He knew his review would make it in the history books for knocking down TS3.

I was going to sit on the sidelines and let this guy do his shit storm swirling, but I can’t take it anymore. After Reading his laughable review of Jonah Hex, I had to type something about it. You really have to read between the lines of what he’s really trying to say with his review and that he has an agenda. Let’s go through some of his positive review on Hex.

((Entrusted to direct the Jonah Hex screenplay by groundbreaking team Neveldine & Taylor, director Jimmy Hayward brings to it the visual craft and genre savvy he learned as an animator on Toy Story and Toy Story 2))

He used “entrusted” as if the Gods of Art Neveldine and Taylor granted the director the right to direct their story. To call these two Crank/Gamer writers a “Groundbreaking team” is just asking for people to attack him. Crank 2 was a total mess and Gamer didn’t fare much better either. N&T at most are entertaining directors on a slight step above Boll, but nothing else. White knows this, but he’s fanning the flames.

You see, Mr. White is trying to entice the haters and trolls into his trap. After that, he throws in bigger bait. He compares Toy Story 3 to Jonah Hex. Read on…

((That alone makes Jonah Hex the best movie to open this week—easily overshadowing Toy Story 3. ))

Comparisons are always useful in reviews, but Hex and Story 3 are different animals. Hex is about a bounty hunter with a dark background seeking revenge. Story 3 is about toys that come to life when kids aren’t watching. The only thing they have in common is that they both have cowboys in it. Sorry, that’s a stretch. He’s trying his best here to get the Pixar fanboys pissed.

Trust me, he brings in even more button-pushing topics that have nothing to do with the movie…like comparing it to 9/11.

((Jonah’s post-Civil War adventure parallels contemporary malaise. N&T adapt the 1975 DC comic book to fit their timely sense of disquiet and cultural confusion—that post 9/11 dread that Bruce Springsteen aptly described as “a fairy tale so tragic.” ))

Yeah, you lost me there. I can’t even think of anything clever to say to rebuttal something so stupid. Did I mention that Armond White makes another 9/11 reference later on?

Armond also enjoys comparing this movie to the Crank series and the creators Neveldine & Taylor. I guess White didn’t bother to do some research into his beloved Neveldine & Taylor were going to direct Hex, but bowed out due to “creative differences” with the studio. So, even your “Groundbreaking Team” didn’t like the direction the movie was going.

White has ignored all the major story issues and editing problems each reviewer has mentioned their reviews. He doesn’t even talk about the short running time or the late reshoots or the horrible test screenings. (One test screening had audience members laughing at the movie, making the studio executives leave the screening in shame.) That’s why I am calling him out on his bullshit review. Even if his review were real, wouldn’t it be in his best interest to note some of these problems despite his positive stance?

The biggest insult in this whole thing is Armond White is giving minority film critics a bad name. But, that’s for another post all together.