The Lone Ranger (Part 1 of 2)

The Lone Ranger

 Uh, we already had a Jonah Hex or a Wild Wild West movie. Why do we need another modern action western?

Now that I have finally watched the movie all the way through, I can safely say that the movie is highly flawed and uneven. There are some flourishes of good things that work, however there is also a huge chunk of a subplot taken out of the movie. The is a complete mess and some things really don't make sense. There are so many issues with the story that the entire thing is just an uneven shit-storm of a movie.

While I enjoy long movies, this one really does feel overly long and drawn out. It wants to be an epic western with an epic length. And, it really hurts the movie a great deal. The other issues is the reasoning behind even making a Lone Ranger movie in the first place. No one was asking for a Lone Ranger movie, yet we got a major motion picture with a major budget. And, the movie actually bombed in the lone run.

Johnny Depp, while interesting, sort of takes away from the lead character, which the movie is named after. And, there's no getting around it. Tonto does get a bit of an interesting back story, however the loony nature of the character is a bit tiresome for me. He's too much like Jack Sparrow, way too much like Sparrow. Tonto is all over the marketing, while the actual lead character is on the sidelines.

The Lone Ranger is a boring character and it doesn't help that Armie Hammer bring nothing to the role. He starts out as an one-note character and ends being an one-note character. Hammer is so boring that all the scenes are dragged down by his dullness. And, why is the Lone Ranger a complete and utter joke to everyone? Why couldn't they make him a stronger character?

The tone is all over the place and it truly harms any good will that this movie has. The story shift from frantic humor in its first and third acts, but has same serious subject matter in the second too. We see Native Americans get slaughtered in such a brutal manner that it is hard to swallow the more nonsensical scenes that are to come in the third act.

I also hate the heel-turn of one of the characters that happens toward the end of the second act. I personally think the character would have been more interesting if he realized he was being tricked and tried to redeem himself after the big reveal of the true bad guy. Instead, we just get the by the numbers heel-turn that you can see a mile away just as this character first appears.

This the same lazy writing we get with the two main villains. They're just generic “fill in the blank” villains without much complexity. Heck, Nero from Star Trek 2009 is a better bad guy than these two blokes/ One has the trait of being really ugly and the other is clean cut and a businessman. 

There is a better that needed to be fleshed out.  Whereas this script feels rushed and needed a few more passes with another script writer or doctor.  

Drive while black

There have been some videos recently of black people, like myself being pulled over.  And, I see they the way they're handling things. 

First off, the same police rules don't apply to us. We are considered the enemy regardless of the action we take. Cops are always going to be a little bit more trigger happy than say a white person. They're looking for a reason to arrest us. Don't give them one.

Don't argue with them: We'll always lose no matter what. Remember, you're the enemy in their eyes and want nothing more than to arrest you. 

Yes, it shouldn't have to be this way, but this is reality.  

It's tragic to see Sam DuBose get shot and killed like that. But, WE have to be the ones to control the situation. We have to be aware that at any moment that cop is going to arrest or shoot you. He probably going to jail anyway, but he had to power to keep the situation calm by just complying with the officer. If you were wrongly arrested, sue them. Don't argue with the officer, because you will never win. They don't like us. We have to be the ones in control of our lives.

They've indicted this cop for this man's murder.

I remember the process LeVar Burton says he does each time he gets pulled over. We need to follow this every time.

Whoopi and Cosby

I am all for free speech, but Whoopi just needs to stop speaking for a while. It seems like she is hell bent on speaking her mind despite the facts. Bill Cosby has pretty much admitted her drugged and raped women. And, you don't settle unless there is some proof there.

In way, Cosby is bringing down Whoopi as well. Why, Whoopi, why?

Whoopi, there is proof now and you are allowed to change your stance.

And, even she's changing her stance...a little. 

I want that wise bartender from TNG, but she isn't really like that now.  

 

Taylor Swift vs. Nicki Minaj

Taylor Swift vs. Nicki Minaj

I think Swift is boring and bland, but I thought her Set It Off video was fun. Somehow, Swift has gotten into some dumb feud with Nicki. Nicki decided to add her two cents to the thing.

However, I am starting to really dislike Nicki a whole lot. She seems so bitter for a woman that's been so successful and seems to snap at everyone. She got upset over nominations for the MTV Music Video Awards. MTVAwards, really? She aimed her strange anger over Talyor Swift. Like any other bitter person Nicki took to Twitter.

((If your video celebrates women with slim bodies, you will be nominated for vid of the year.))

First off, why are you upset over this shit? You've made millions off that shitty Anaconda song. Second, you CAN'T attack any woman for being skinny considering you USED to be that tiny, skinny woman early in your career. At some point you got a huge ass-implant and plastic surgery. With that hue fake ass, you made a video about women with huge asses. You can't take the high road as being a shapely woman.

I mean you can't say nothing when you were that very thing you're attacking and spent thousands to change said thing.

Like all twitter battles, it didn't amount to anything. Being the better woman, I can't believe I am saying this, Taylor squashed the feud and apologized. In the long run, I can see why feminists get upset over petty shit like this.

Sadly this just gives traction to MTV instead and we all lose. 

Dealing with depression

Dealing with depression

 Saturday, I got into such a bad mood and deep depression that I couldn't move or eat for a while. And, the sad thing is it stayed with me all day and night. I've never felt this way before and it shocked me how dark I got.

People close to me and co-workers are telling me to get counseling and I hear them. They're right, because I am at an all time low. Everything seems to be going to shit. I've had three family members die within the past six months. One hit me pretty hard and the other just ruined this year. Then, I am stuck in a job I am completely unhappy with to the point just being there makes me cringe.

However, there is another darker element that tells me things won't get better. Given the past event, I just not hopeful things will turn around for me. I feel a constant frown and just sadness.

Anyway, back to blogging.

Annie (2014)

First off, I was never a fan of the original Annie, but I wanted to see what an ethnically diverse version of Annie had to offer.  I know that Will Smith wanted a female lead character that people of color could look up to, but this movie fails at everything that I don't think young blacks will be interested.  So in that regard, the movie fails with getting that message across.  

It's the same damn movie with some names changed and the songs "updated" with some modern "flavor".  

I know this movie was spearheaded by Will Smith and I know that he wanted Willow Smith in the lead role.  Willow turning down the role was probably the smartest thing she's done since cutting off her hair.  

The movie has a white redheaded girl named Annie that behaves and looks just like the original.  Her classmates hate her and Annie B takes the stage and shows some attitude, basically saying, "This is not your father's Annie".  Then the movie proceeds to follow all the sappy tropes the original fell into.  

Jamie Foxx looks bored and sometimes embarrassed.  I know that they cast him because he can sing and act, but he doesn't really seem to be into the production.  Hey, he's better here than in Stealth right?  

I do like that the Stacks character is a media powerful guy that comes from new money.  I think having him be a bit of a Trump/Gates/Jobs was one of the smarter updates.   

With poorly redone musical cues and a bad script, somehow this remake comes across as being sappy and corny with a bad script.  The movie wants to play tribute to the original while as touching on the Pitch Prefect and Glee crowds as well.  It fails both crowds and just comes across as another poorly conceived remake that no one wanted.  And, in this time I don't think Annie works as movie given our jaded view of the world.

Grade: D

Oh Deer...

Oh Deer...

Please tell me this woman is putting one over on us. Trust me, I wish deer were smarter than to run out into traffic, but they're not.

On the other hand, I hope there are people this stupid out there.

That Go Daddy.com commercial...

That Go Daddy.com commercial...

I truly hate that ad. I hate that ad so much. And, I truly truly hate that damn CGI face on the overweight woman (weight challenged). It keeps showing up at the gym I go to and I cringe every damn time I am there.

Are they humping the air with that stupid dance? WTF?

Why, Go Daddy, why would you make such an annoying ad for your product? 

  Damn it. Stop it. She has a damn Bilbo haunted face.

 

Ant-Man

Ant-Man

I didn't think I would like this movie at all, but I actually enjoyed it a lot.  Years ago, I questioned the very notion of a Ant-Man movie.  However, the concept of a guy that can talk to ants and shrink actually works.  While I am more into DC's The Atom, I don't believe DC could do it better. Plus, the FX and humor make this movie fun.

This is the second Ant-Man in the universe. Michael Douglas plays the first one. The second one is played by Paul Rudd.  Douglas' version had a lot of adventures back in the 80s and even worked with Tony Stark's father.  Douglas passes along the suit in order to stop a bad guy from reproducing the technology

The strongest thing to say about this movie is it knows it is silly and fully embraces it.  The movie is pretty damn funny and makes fun of the concept of Ant-Man. Everyone seems to have a smirk on their faces as they do this movie.

I wasn't fully on board with Rudd's casting, but the man has changed my mind.   Since he's the second Ant-Man, it makes more sense.  

-Strong Female character:  For all those people that put Joss through the ringer, this movie has a very strong female lead.  If had one gripe, it would be that she doesn't have as much screen time as I thought she would.  I'm sure there are a lot of scenes cut out for pacing reasons.   Evangeline Lilly is just wonderful in the part. We also get a bit of foreshadowing too with her character.

-Spider-Man Reference?:  Did we just catch out first Spider-Man callout ?  There is a remark about a guy that can crawl up walls.  Very clever, Marvel.  

-The Avenger Appearance: One member does show up and it is one of my favorite scenes in the movie. It is a nice tie-in to Avengers II.

-The Ants: Even the ants have character. We get to see Ant-Man work and train with ants.

-His relationship with his young daughter and her family:  It is refreshing to see a functioning extended family unit in the movie.  The stepfather isn't really that much of an asshole in the end.  

I was wrong about Ant-Man.  It does work as a Marvel movie.  While it isn't as charming as Guardians of the Galaxy, the third act is so cool that it make you almost forget the shaky first act.  Rudd and Michael Douglas have great chemistry together and it makes the movie fun. When you boil it down, this movie is fun and funny.

Grade: B

Fury

Fury

 Fury is one of those WWII movies that totally kicks ass. It is bloody, creepy and just an all around good action flick. There are some surprisingly epic battles and each one is interesting in their own right. The movie is full of battles and bloody scenes, and it has some serious subject matters.

David Ayer is the director and his work is outstanding here. The action scenes aren't shaky and the edits are clean cut. Even his non-action scenes aren't boring. When Bitt and another soldier encounters two women in an apartment, there is so much tension that it kept me at the edge of my seat.

Fury turns into an all out epic battle in the third act. And, it is a glorious battle.

-Brad Pitt is an bad ass in this movie. Sure he's in another WWII movie just like Inglourious Basterds , but I like him more in this movie. But, they are similar roles. Sometimes you don't know where he is going with his character. His character has a dark side, but does seem to care about his men under his command. Pitt is just an all around great actor.

-Tank Battles: I love the tank to tank battles in this movie. The way each team member has to work together to move and fire a tank is very interesting to watch.

-Shia LaBeouf : Okay, he's pretty good in the movie and barely recognizable. I guess he just needs a good director. Reportedly, Shia didn't shower for most of the filming of the movie. He almost got in a fight with a fellow actor while filming too. And, it seems he kept in character in most of the movie.

-Don't be a SS officer: In real life and in the movie, American soldiers hated SS officers and showed them no mercy. The movie does a good job showing how much the soldiers loathed SS guys.

Now, this is a tank movie I can get behind. I enjoyed the movie a lot and I think you'll like it too. Because it is a WWII movie, you know it won't have an uplifting ending. However, give the movie a chance.

Grade: B+

Best Defense (!984)

Best Defense (!984)

Damn, this is a really bad movie. I vaguely remember seeing it on VHS way back in the day. I only remembered the Eddie Murphy scenes and I thought the movie was just an Eddie Murphy. I just re-watched the movie and it doesn't hold up at all. 

The movie is segmented into two strange stories that almost have NOTHING to do with each other. The movie tells these two stories in such a haphazard manner that it is jarring to see this movie all the way through. None of the Eddie Murphy parts have an impact on the Moore parts or vice versa.

In the beginning, the movie was one thing and then the studio completely changed the nature of the movie by adding all the Eddie Murphy scenes. The studio knew the Moore version of the film was a steaming (streaming) pile of poop, so they drastically changed the movie in post-production. The problem is they didn't even try to make the added scenes/story make any sense to the nature of the main/original story.

From AV Club.com (year of flops), ((Better yet, why not throw a couple million dollars at Eddie Murphy for a few days work as a wisecracking tank commander? That way the stakes would be nothing less than the life or death of America's brightest and most popular comic actor. ))

Murphy and Moore never interact with each. You would think the studio would at least try to put together these two funny men, which were at the top of their games in the 80s.

-Dudley Moore Story: You can clearly tell this was the main story. It is kind of a spy movie where plans gets thrown into Moore's hands and “comedy” ensues. And, his storyline is expremely bad and not funny.

-Iraq's invasion of Kuwait : All of the Murphy scenes are set in Kuwait. Later in the movie, the Iraq army invades Kuwait. This happened way before the REAL invasion happened in the first Gulf War. I think it is interesting that this movie predicted that invasion six years before the real one. There's nothing else that amusing though.

-Sexism to the extreme: I am not Anita, but the sexism from Moore's character and his friends is really bad even for 80s standards. He blatantly wants to cheat on his wife with his female boss and even touches his boss ass in public and she's okay with it. I'm all for 80s boob humor, but the sex stuff here just feels uneasy.

-Kate Capshaw : Man, she is bad in this movie too. However, she does hum the Indiana Jones theme in one scene as a callback to her role in the Temple of Doom. Both movies came out in 84.

The movie is a complete mess and doesn't hold up at all. Not even the Murphy stuff is that funny.

Grade: D-

Jehovah and I? Why?

Uh, Wikipedia, why am I getting traffic from your site? I looked at my stats for the week, and I am receiving traffic from a Wikipedia source connecting to the name Jehovah. I looked all over the entry and can't seem to find where they references my blog.

Look, I made it to Know Your Meme, which has been removed from the post, sadly. However, why ,Wiki? I write a blog that makes poop and boob jokes usually not in that order.

I find it even amusing there is a connection to Jehovah because I am the least religious person on the planet. Did someone put it there as a goof and someone deleted it?

Suicide Squad Comic Con trailer Thoughts

This is the trailer shown at Comic Con.  A bunch of riders told me about this trailer a few days ago and I was drawn to watch it.  So, here it is. 

Damn you, DC.  This trailer actually looks good.  It certainly has a grittier feel than the Marvel stuff.  Actually, it has a similar tone to the Punisher series.  David Ayer has that realistic direction and you can see and feel that all over this trailer.  The reports are this film is very dark. 

I love that we’re seeing a team of bad guys working for somewhat good guys (not really good).  That’s whole point of the Suicide Squad.  It also seems DC is taking a more established universe approach to their world building.  Everything seems to be already in place without much of an origin story.  It is a different take than Marvel and I am okay with that. 

Okay, DC, the ball is in your court.  You have me interested. 

-Man of Steel:  I do like that we get a mention of Superman. This opens up the DC universe a bit more in the same manner as Marvel. 

- Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn:  Harley is one of my favorite characters to come out of the 90s Batman series.  I’m so glad they’re using her here.  I know some people hate that DC is using the more stripper outfit, but it looks like she has different outfits. 

- Ben Affleck’s Batman:  In a different suit it seem…I’m guessing it will be more of a extended cameo than anything else.  I do like that the suitis different from the BVS version. 

- Jared Leto’s Joker:  I’ll take a wait and see approach.  But, I like his appearance. 

- Viola Davis as Amanda Waller:  Waller is an important player in DC and Davis is a good choice.  Something tells me we will probably see her in the Justice League too. 

Batman V Superman extended trailer

Batman V Superman extended trailer

Okay, you got me hooked now. The Comic Con trailer is a far better trailer than the teaser/trailers we've seen so far. We get more of why Batman is pissed off at Superman. 

 -Tie into the first movie: We see a building falling. I am guessing this is a flashback to the final battle in Man of Steel. Wayne is pissed with the fact Superman really didn't care about the people.

-Wayne running toward the falling building: Brilliant, that shows what kind of person he is.

-Holly Hunter: She is listed as a Senator on IMDB. I like her as an actress and I had no idea she was in the movie.

-The body of Zod: Are going to see Luthor use his DNA to make a super villain?

-Is that hair on Luthor's head a wig? Where's Otis? I'm joking.

-Wonder Woman: She looks good and I love the sword and shield. That's very Kingdom Come of her.

-The red capes are coming: The worst lines in the trailer though.

Random Things

Random Things

~Went back for another funeral in Memphis: This has been a very bad year for me. This was my third time having someone die in my family. This was another uncle, but I wasn't really that close to him. He was the younger brother of my father. Michael was his name. He worked for Bell South (ATT) for years. His health started to decline a few years back and his mind started to go. While I wasn't that close to him, having three people I grew up knowing pass away has kind of sent me into a deeper depression. I am now unbearable to be around at work. And, I think there will be a few more family members dying off due to poor health and substance abuse in the coming months. I am certain of it.

~Swingers: I had one of the most unconformable rides ever last night. I took this couple to downtown from the east end. I picked them up at higher end house. There were four of them. The wives were very attractive and the guys were good looking.

They were already messed up with booze and I had to tell them they couldn't have open beer in the car. They were a little upset about that. As I drove them to the city, they decided to reveal that they were swinging tonight and they were going to trade up their spouses. And, the women were extremely sexed up and asked me if I ever had people have sex in my back car. I thought, please don't start having sex in my car. They also kept asking me about my relationship status and other personal things. I almost felt like they were trying to recruit me in their bumping ugly crusade. I mean the whole group of them were horny and very revealing about what they planned to do. It was a strange ride indeed. I guess this is what good looking people do. (Now, driving around some really attractive Latina women was my highlight of my night though, because they were extremely nice and chill. I loved hearing them speak Spanglish.)

~Nintendo President dies: While I hate the direction the company has gone in the last ten years, I am saddened to hear about Satoru Iwata. He was only 55 years old. Cancer has really taken away a lot people in my life, so I understand. Does this mean Nintendo will take a different direction with a new president? I actually got the news from one of my riders a few hours ago.

Jake Lloyd (Anakin Skywalker Arrested)

Jake Lloyd (Anakin Skywalker Arrested)

Dude, this guy is one angry man. It's like he read the text book for f'ed up child stars. Geez, the man is pissed about life in general. 

Folks, I'm not making this up.

From Daily Beast.com, ((The star of ‘The Phantom Menace’ was arrested after getting into a high-speed chase with cops and crashing into a tree. But there’s more to the story of Jake Lloyd than meets the eye. ))

I suppose being in a so-so Star Wars movie will do that to you. I'm guessing this high speed chase didn't involve pod-racers. And, the cops should known that he's the best racer in the galaxy. Like a true Sith, he resisted arrest and failed to stop for police.

And, that Jedi skill is started to fade because he crashed his car into a tree around the 100 MPH mark. Great, Jake, you can't even be a criminal let alone an actor.

From the Daily Beast, ((his time working on the Star Wars films led to bullying in school that he described as a “living hell” exacerbated by having to do upwards of 60 interviews a day. “I’ve learned to hate it when the cameras are pointed at me,” ))

I see this a lot with actors involved in shows and movies at a young age. Some seem to weather the storm and still work out to be good adult actors. I think you can come back from a shit storm like Ep 1 and come out smelling like a rose. I don't think Jake should have even been an actor to begin with and would have been happier being a normal child. Plus, Lucas made a huge mistake casting him as the main focus of the Prequel. I think Lucas' ego told him he could draw out a good performance from a bad actor. He was wrong.

Now, we have this angry little man that will be a danger to everyone around him.

If he's not careful, Jake could become another Brian Bonsall (Family Ties, Worf's son) or he could be the next Gary Coleman.

And, that stupid Three Musketeers mustache is helping you.

Random Stuff

Random Stuff

 ~Donald Trump: You know I hate this prick, but I also love him at the same time. I love the fact he's entered the presidential race, because it makes the Republican side into a total clown show now. He's the toxic element that will turn people off from the right. He keeps saying some of the dumbest things that are right out of the old GOP handbook, but with a dumb slant. While I hate Clinton, she's a better choice over what the right has to offer. Trump in the race just helps her as long as she doesn't say anything stupid. 

 ~Bill Cosby is Done: He's revealed that he's used drugs on women in an unsealed case. This is a total bombshell in my opinion. What is frightening is that he's been drugging and raping women for decades and got away with it. I think it's all finally coming to head here and hopefully he'll be charged. And, I hope the survivors help with the criminal cases and not the civil ones. This man needs to be off the street, in jail and not sued. As I stated before, this has really put me into check, because politically he and I used to see eye to eye on black problems. 

 ~Ariana Grande and Donuts: I really couldn't care that she hates America. I just can't stand her attitude. Watching that video, I shoot my head just for the rudeness more than anything else. Plus, she has that goofy bandana guy that just screams Dude/Bro D-bag. I think she has a good voice and is stunning to look at. I just didn't want the annoying “hot girl” attitude to go with it. Let's just say I've run into that attitude a lot lately, and it is really annoying. As far as licking donuts, maybe she's practicing for a lesbian relationship?

John Wick

John Wick 

 Man, this movie is very violent and action-filled. It is probably the direction we all wanted the Matrix movies to to go. There are some silly moments, like the hotel for assassins, it doesn't take away for the sheer fun of the movie. It feels like a really cool video game come to life.

Keanu Reeves kills a bunch of people. Enough said.

First off, the movie centers on a cute dog getting killed by Theon Greyjoy (yes, Theon is in this movie with a Russian accent). It is very difficult for me to watch the scene, because the dog is so damn cute. However, this what sets John Wick off.

The movie does feel like an updated version from that era of 70s revenge flicks. One man takes on an army of bad guys with guns and explosions.

The music is horrific and feels like the rejected B-side to the Matrix movies. It's a lot of pumping techno and butt rock music that makes it feel more like a movie from the early 2000s. It is by far the weakest aspect of this movie and it does harm it in some ways. Why would they rehash the The Matrix soundtrack with shitty butt-rock and dance music?

As I wrote before the secret hotel for assassins is a bit goofy and feels like something from those shitty assassin movies from the 2000s. There seems to be this league of hit-men and women that have certain rules that can't be broken. John Wick sort of gets back into the game, but these scenes really don't work well with the revenge story.

The action scenes for the most part are well directed and steady. You get to see wick drive around killing people with his car and shooting people at the same time. Plus, there are some impressive cast members surround the movie as well.

Keanu Reeves plays the character rather restrained, but he is prefect in the role. This is probably his best role since the first Matrix movie. The movie has some goofy parts, but the bloody action scenes are the real stars of the movie. And, it totally feels like an action video game. This is what the Hitman and Max Payne movies should have been. It's R-rated and a lot of fun.

Grade: B+

You will pay the iron price for this car. 

Jared the Subway guy really?

Jared the Subway guy really?

 Has the Subway guy Cosby-ed himself?

If you've read my blog long enough, then you are aware that I truly hate Jared from Subway. So, you lost weight eating Subway, big deal. I hate his stupid goofy face and I hate his voice. While bullying is bad, and we all know it, I always felt Jared was the exception to the rule and people should punch him in his doughy face. However, even this story came as a total surprise.

From ABC News, ((FBI agents and Indiana State Police are at the home of Subway restaurant spokesman Jared Fogle and have removed electronics from the property. ))

Yeah, when the FBI pays a visit to you, it's not a friendly one with milk and cookies. There is something really ugly about this story that will be revealed with Jared I am sure of it. You don't pull out electronic equipment from someone's house when this story of thing is involved.

And, I don't think Subway wants to be connected to this thing in anyway. However, they merely suspended their relationship with Jared and they didn't fire him. I guess it is better to wait and see before shit-canning him.

They say you shouldn't kick a man when he's down.  F' it, screw this guy, I'm kicking.