Better Off Dead

Better Off Dead

Because of the extremely fascinating discussion of this film over at Lee and Dan's Midnight Movie Club podcast (with guest star MC), I decided to pick this movie up at the rental store. I was surprised it was even on the shelf. But, there it was.

Make sure you listen to the in-depth discussion about the film before you get into this review. I wouldn’t have picked this movie up if it weren’t for the podcast. I vaguely remember seeing bits and pieces of it on cable, but I never got through the movie. So, what are main thoughts on the movie?

Man, what a strange movie!

-This feels like Savage Steve Holland’s take on a John Hughes, except flipped sideways.

-Singing and dancing animated hamburgers: You ether turn the movie off at this point or keep going. The animated hamburgers remind me of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.

-The Asian drag racers: I wasn’t really a fan of these scenes, but I did like the payoff at the end. By the way, how did Lane Meyer crash into the back of that fat dude’s ride without him seeing it before? He was at a stoplight.

-Is it real?: It was a little frustrating to not know what exactly was real and what was fake. The humor goes from the ridiculous to a teen comedy. I’m not sure they both work well here. Strangely enough, Better Off Dead and Hot Tub Time Machine share these traits.

-Curtis Armstrong is underused, but he does fit the bill for the “wacky friend” ™.

-Monique Junot is cute. She plays the sweet girl with heart of gold.

-Two Dollars!: Every scene with the newspaper boy was brilliant. The director filmed the scenes like horror movies. The best newsboy scene is the one in the park with the huge gang of paperboys chasing him. “I want my two dollars.” Supposedly, someone yells “two dollars” at John Cusack in Hot Tub Time Machine. I didn’t hear it.

-Steven Williams plays the Tree Trimmer in one scene. I love this line, ((Tree Trimmer: [to fellow tree trimmer] Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.))

-The hanging suicide bit was very dark.

-A space shuttle, really?

Overall, I can’t say I’m 100% sold on the movie, but there are some things to really like about the movie. I’m glad I listened to podcast and gave this movie a try.

Grade: C+

Ventrilo Harassment more of the same

Lil Wayne takes on Ventrilo Harassment

You banned the wrong person…

Howard Stern on VH

Mortal Kombat!!!

Ricky Martin is gay...wow, really? hold the phone wow.

"Failed"

Ricky Martin comes out.

Newsflash, Ricky Martin is gay. Uh, was anyone shocked by this reveal? Did no one know he was in the closet? The whole just says, “Duh, like we already knew that, buddy.”

It always felt like one of those “I’ll deny it, but we know I’m gay” situations. Numerous times in the past, he would make strange long-winded answers to the rumors that he was gay. Like this one, (("I am a modern man, live a full life, do not feel any barriers inside myself. I perceive the contemporary world as an open forum, where nothing is taboo except criminal activity. If I were gay, why not admit it?...I am a normal man. I love women and sex. I am a real hot-blooded Puerto Rican, but I have never been attracted by sex with a man."))

I’m not even sure what the he just said there.

Just watch one of his music videos

I actually I have no problem with him being gay. I have a problem with him coming out now because his music career isn’t exactly “Livin' La Vida Loca” these days. It’s much safer for him to come out today after the “Latin Lover” phase of his career is over. So, there were probably a few of his fans in the dark so to speak. I guess this will add another 15 minutes to his fame.

I find it more offensive that people found his music appeal gay or straight.

Ventrilo Harassment

Tom Cruise takes over Ventrilo with amazing results

This is probably Tom Cruise's best performance in years. This video is part of a series of videos called Ventrilo Harassment.

Screenwriter Apologizes for Battlefield Earth! (J.D. Shapiro)

Screenwriter Apologizes for Battlefield Earth!

JD Shapiro says he ended up getting roped in because he thought he’d meet chicks. But, he got a lot more, like getting pitched the Scientology religion and getting the job to write Battlefield Earth.

He got roped into this mess over a desire to get laid. It is a noble cause. But, getting involved with Scientology is like getting involved with the Visitors from the TV show “V”. That's right he put his career at risk by teaming up with these crazy people over sex.

Read on from the New York Post via Slash Film, ((Willy convinced me to go check it out. Touring the building, I didn’t find any eligible women at first, but I did meet Karen Hollander, president of the center, who said she was a fan of “Robin Hood: Men in Tights.” We ended up talking for over two hours. She told me why Scientology is so great. I told her that, when it comes to organized religion, anything a person does to reward, threaten and try to control people by using an unknown like the afterlife is dangerous. ))

Trying to pick up women at the Scientology Celebrity Center was probably not a good idea. Have you seen some of the female members? What you'll probably get is some moron trying to get you to try an E-meter. Breaking out the damn E-meter isn't exactly getting to first base.

Well, the writer fooled around with the Space Church for a bit before getting bored.

From the Huffington Post, ((I took a few courses, including the Purification Rundown, or Purif. You go to CC [Celebrity Center] every day, take vitamins and go in and out of a sauna so toxins are released from your body. You're supposed to reach an "End Point." I never did, but I was bored so I told them I had a vision of L. Ron. They said, "What did he say?" "Pull my finger," was my response. They said I was done. ))

Yeah, sitting in Purification Rooms and watching my hands turn purple isn't what I call fun.

Here’s where it gets even better.

((“A few days after I finished the script, a very excited Travolta called, told me he “loved it,” and wanted to have dinner,” Shapiro writes. “At dinner, John said again how much he loved the script and called it “The ‘Schindler’s List’ of sci-fi.”))

“The Schindler’s List of Sci-fi”, wow that just shows you how crazy Travolta is. But, this is the same actor that thought that Look Who's Talking Now was a great idea. From there, it went all down hill as he got notes back from Members of the church. These notes made the movie even more foolish than the source material it seems. (Did John Travolta ask for the cow-shooting scene?)

((In the end, did Scientology get me laid? What do you think? No way do you get any action by boldly going up to a woman and proclaiming, "I wrote Battlefield Earth!" If anything, I'm trying to figure out a way to bottle it and use it as birth control. I'll make a mint!))

It should also be noted that Battlefield Earth kind of destroyed his screenwriting career. He really only has two other credits under his name after BE. Telling someone you wrote Battlefield Earth will probably get you beat up.

I have to give this J.D. Shapiro fellow a lot of credit for coming forward and making the Space Church look like total idiots. Shapiro, be careful, because I'm sure they're thinking of “Fair Game” tactics to get back at you. (Then again they might be busy keeping a lid on the Organic Liaison connection.)

I'm still waiting for Battlefield Earth 2: Electric Xenu-aloo.

Battlefield Earth is the “Freddy Got Fingered” of Sci-fi movies. Oy,

_______________________________________________________

Barry Pepper: “Damn you, L. Ron Hubbard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Random Videos

Random Videos

~Angry Hockey Fan Attacks coach: Wow, I would probably watch hockey if this happened in every game. The guy attacking the coach has to be the dumbest guy on the planet. Uh, it’s only a damn game. It’s not like the coach took away your job or your house. Now, you get to spend time in jail over a hockey game. Enjoy that jail cell.

~Russian Singer: What in the hell? This is kind of like those Shreds Videos.

~The Story of Bottled Water: I really hate when people actually feel the need to buy bottled water. There seems to be this elitist attitude when people buy bottled water. I love the pretty nature pictures on the bottle making us believe the water comes directly from springs, brooks, and streams. Uh, just walk up to a random stream and try the water. See how fast you get sick.

~The most “gay” manly fight ever...: That's all I'm going to say. With pants that tight, I'm surprised he even was able to win the fight let alone Vogue.

~Chatroulette with a fake Lady Gaga: I'm scarred by this video.

Telephone “Dude version”

Telephone “Dude version”

Man, too many dudes at the party. I can’t count how many times I’ve gone to parties where the dude percentage is 95 with single guys. This video reminds me of those “mostly dude” parties.

The only guy I recognize in the video is the Chocolate Rain guy.

Random thoughts

Random thoughts

~This woman pretty much explains my frustration whenever someone says, “you don't act like a typical black person”. This is usually said by white people. I always come back with, “What exactly is acting black?” The fine black woman also talks about the Oreo name tag people give black people that talk with proper English. It angers me when someone says you don't act black because you don't do the negative stereotypical aspects of the black community.

~CB4: Man, this movie is very funny. I love how it lampoons the hip hop industry. Phil Hartman also stars in this movie too! Charles Q. Murphy also has a huge part in the movie. I think Khandi Alexander is extremely hot. While being total parody, some of the songs are actually pretty good. CB4 seems to be a cross between NWA and Public Enemy. Fear of a Black Planet is actually better.

~Showgirls: The Nostalgia Chick discusses this shitty movie. It is a really bad movie. Elizabeth Berkley’s career kind of went into the crapper after this movie. To be fair, she kind of went back to TV and found work again. "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (As foam dancer), "Law & Order: Criminal Intent", "The L Word", "CSI: Miami", and "Without a Trace".

~Kaleidoscope rant: Before Gameboy or X-box Live, kids used to have to go outside for their fun. One of the toys many of us 30 something folks owned was a Kaleidoscope. Some dumbass threw some colorful rocks into a damn tube with mirrors. So, now you have kids looking directly into the sun just to see these rocks move around. Does this seem healthy for your eyes? And, keep in mind we called this damn entertainment.

Sir David Brewster invented this thing by accident, which should tell you something, and he ended up not making any money over it because of some patent mistakes.

~“24” Will end: Well, it probably is time for the show to go. How much more can Jack Bauer go through. Eight seasons is probably enough anyway. I kind of stopped watching the show after the great Season 5. I did like the two-hour movie. I know some of the more hardcore fans will be sad to see it go.

Original Little Shop of Horror Ending with commentary

Original Little Shop of Horror Ending with commentary

I did a post about this a while back, but here are all three parts of the original ending with commentary by Frank Oz. (Before it gets taken down)

I still him feeding a dead Audrey to the killer plant to be very creepy.

Actually, Frank Oz is a little wrong in the commentary. Even the “Mean Green Mother from Outer Space” number is edited differently and there are few more reaction shots.

It is so dark.

Chloe Sevigny shows "big hate"

Chloe Sevigny bashes her own show: Blows “Big Love” out of the water.

I guess there weren’t any brown bunnies for her to love…

I have never understood the attraction to the HBO show Big Love even at the beginning. HBO seems to really promote the hell out of this show, more so than the better-written show The Wire I might add. And, I can’t get into it.

I’ve seen Chloe in a few other things, and I have never been a fan of her work. But, I do find it interesting when actors or writers speak out about the direction a show or movie is going.

From USA Today, (("It was awful this season, as far as I'm concerned, she tells The AV Club. "I'm not allowed to say that! [Gasps.] It was very telenovela. I feel like it kind of got away from itself. The whole political campaign seemed to me very farfetched. I mean, I love the show, I love my character, I love the writing, but I felt like they were really pushing it this last season. And with nine episodes, I think they were just squishing too much in.))

You usually don’t get that type of honesty in Hollywood.

Side Note: It took Chloe many years to repair her career from the Brown Bunny.

Top Five Hate List

Top Five Hate List

Well, there are certainly enough a-holes and d-bags to fill up an entire Top Ten List, but I decided to narrow it down to five this week.

5. Simon Monjack (Again): When he’s not starting up fake foundations or being accused of banging his dead wife’s mother (allegedly), he gives tours of the bathroom where Brittany Murphy collapsed. Uh, shouldn’t that be a bit of a private matter? It just seems creepy that he would let people take a tour of that location.

4 Kirstie Alley: For some reason, Alley is has bad vibes with Conan since he made fun of her weight. He’s a comedian, he makes fun of everyone not just you, Kirstie. She’s starting to brag that she has a TV show and Conan doesn’t. Uh, Conan is getting paid a lot of money to not be on The Tonight Show, you’re basically doing a paid-commercial for your stupid Organic diet. From Examiner, (("Really most of those people have been in some pickles themselves...And some people overdo it a little bit. I don’t want to say names...Conan O’Brien...and I don’t want to say the word karma, but he doesn’t have a show. I do!")) Wow, she is a bitter woman.

3 Paul Greengrass: I really don’t want him to be on this list, but I have no choice. If you’re going to throw away 100 million this is the fastest way to do it. Did anyone in his or her right mind think Green Zone was going to make any money? Pretty much every Gulf War II movie has bombed. Did he think this one would make a difference? Not even the Hurt Locker made that much money and it won the gold. People go to the movies to get away from shit, and not to be reminded how shitty life is. I may not agree with it, but it is the truth.

2 Gloria Allred: If there is a cheating famous person around, this woman will represent any home-wrecker/slut there out. Why is Allred defending these women? It’s not like they’re in legal trouble. They just knowingly had a relationship with a married man. If they were good people, they would have thought about Sandra Bullock’s feelings. Would a true feminist defend what these women did on their side of the affair? Let the story fade and let Sandra and D-Bag divorce in peace, Gloria. No one cares about slut number three or four.

1 Jesse James: Sorry, I’m not talking about the “American Outlaw”, but the dude that married Speed 2/Hope Floats (Sandra Bullock). Are you f’ing kidding me? You cheated on your wife with tattooed, zombie-fied, Nazi-ed super-slut Michelle McGee. Talk about aiming for low-hanging fruit.

A Strange ad for DARS chocolate

A Strange ad for DARS chocolate

Uh, what exactly is this video supposed to be selling? Chocolate or cheating? Did we miss a commercial where it explains this how this story connects to the damn chocolate? Did Jesse James eat some of the choco

By the way, the woman in the video is the Canadian/Japanese pornstar Maria Ozawa.

Twilight

Twilight

Yes, I finally watched Twilight, and I have to say that I wasn’t that impressed with it. The movie is so bland and dull that watching corn grow is probably more exciting. The acting and the editing are also irregular. And, most of this blame has to sit on the lap of director Catherine Hardwicke.

Catherine Hardwicke’s direction is plain, and it looks like a first director’s work. All the stories of Hardwicke getting fired from the second movie seem to be supported in this movie. There is no way the Twilight franchise could have survived under Hardwicke’s direction.

Hardwicke doesn’t know how to direct the actors under her movie. Kristen Stewart looks sleepy, and her line delivery isn’t very convincing. While she might fit the look of Bella Swan, I don’t think Stewart was the correct choice. Robert Pattinson seems to have this “sucking on a lemon drop” permanently plastered on his face. It gets to a point when I just laugh every time they show a shot of him.

Then there is the sparkling vampire moment and the fact they can walk about outside in the daylight. It is also strange that they appear to not have fangs. Did I mention that they love playing Super-Baseball? To me, these creatures aren’t really vampires, but emo-dudes with no tans. This isn’t really Hardwicke’s fault because it is based on the flawed source material from Stephenie Meyer.

And, it is the writing that is almost as bad as lame direction. Bella is a passive main character. Even in a romance story, you need to have your lead character do something other than stare blankly into the eyes of Edward. Perhaps, Mayer is tapping into the mind of a 16 girl that wants the world revolving around her while she sits and does nothing. But it is flawed storytelling regardless. (This is something the SF brought up while reading the books too.)

I didn’t care about the characters or the story.

Carter Burwell‘s musical score is totally out of touch with the rest of the movie. The music is all over the place and doesn’t really have a central theme for the audience to grab onto. It is the type of music you would listen to fall asleep. What were they thinking?

One of the things that did work in the movie is murder subplot. It is just a shame it isn’t in the movie more, so instead we get a lot of blank stares from the two main stars. The evil vampire plotline should have been brought to forefront of the story. The relationship between Bella and her father is pretty good too. The different vampire power have is a fascinating concept.

Twilight is hampered by the poor directing decisions from Catherine Hardwicke and basing a movie a flawed concept. The acting, editing, and music are as bland as the color tone in the film. Here’s hoping New Moon is at least a little better, because this franchise is going nowhere fast.

Grade: D-

Random Things

Random Things

~Sinbad surfaces...on Celebrity Apprentice 3? It looked like Sinbad, who was making Big Business appearances and nothing else, just dropped out of the limelight. In the 80s and 90s, Sinbad was red hot. He even had a talk show, a few sitcoms, and some big standup shows. Now, he just got fired on Celebrity Apprentice: where careers go to die.

~The Dark Knight Strikes Again...again: Yes, the artwork for this is horrid. I picked up this book looked at the artwork and put it down. Frank Miller seems to have completely lost his mind. Superman and Wonder Woman have sex and shake the world. Really? Jay Leno?

~Why did this guy run away from a car crash?

~Lost is extremely good this season. I'm really enjoying Evil/Fake Locke stuff. And, we finally get some answers behind what the hell the smoke monster is all about...not all but some. We also get an deep insight into Richard's past. I really feel bad for poor Richard.

~Last week, I was interviewed for an story on my former writing teacher. It was the Indiana University newspaper. It felt strange to be on the other end of the questioning. So, will I read the story? Nope, I generally never like reading about anything I say. If you want to try to look it up, go ahead and try. (It probably isn't up yet.)

Somatica

Somatica

I wanted to give a shout-out to these guys. I know one of the band members, and I've seen them live twice. Some of the other local bands just don't have the full sound that this band has live. You can tell these guys are more than the dozen hardcore bands out there

I just hope they get more exposure. Anyway, check out their Myspace to listen to two of their tracks. Just give them a whirl.

The Gunslinger vs. Chat Roulette

The Gunslinger vs. Chat Roulette

This video shows there are a lot of assholes on Chat Roulette too. I like this guy’s outfit and gun.

All About Steve

All About Steve

Well, that was not good, but not as bad as everyone tells you. It is mind-numbingly bad and very misguided, but not Brothers Solomon bad. I wanted to really hate this film because of the reputation. However it is more of a misguided/unstable film that doesn’t know what it wants to be more than anything else.

Sandra Bullock’s character is a crossword puzzle writer for a local newspaper. She goes on a blind date with Bradley Cooper. After Cooper has to rush to his job, Bullock goes on a fool’s journey across country to find her true love Steve (Cooper). Steve doesn’t agree with this and thinks she is crazy.

Okay, there is one scene that does come across as funny. It’s the scene where Sandra Bullock goes on a date with Steve. She is so attracted to him that she basically jumps his bones in his van. And, Sandra looks amazing in that red bra and it shows even in her 40s, she is an attractive woman. If Sandra Bullock wanted to have her way with me in the back of a car, I wouldn’t leave to go to a gig. I’m just saying…

Bullock does an okay job as Mary, but the story is and editing in this movie makes her out to be clueless. While the movie wants us to feel bad for her, but many of the things that happen is completely her fault. In another movie, Mary would be considered a stalker. Her character gets away with it because she just so darn cute.

Here’s the kicker; the movie is not really “All About Steve”. Steve ends up being a rather passive character toward the middle of the film and onward. Cooper literally has nothing to do with the story toward the climax of the film. And, Romantic movie fans will hate the way the movie ends too.

I’m not sure even the writer Kim Barker even knows what she was trying to convey with the story. It also appears that Barker has only two writing credits to her name. She wrote this movie and License to Wed. License to Wed wasn’t exactly a good movie either. Perhaps with a few more writing credits under her belt, she can pull out a better story. Are supposed to like Mary, Kim?

Phil Traill’s direction feels like the studio interfered a little bit too much. Some plotlines are completely dropped without any sense of closure.

All About Steve isn’t the worst movie ever created, that’s Battlefield Earth, but it doesn’t get a pass either. The movie is stupid, but has a few cute moments, such as Bullock stripping and trying to rape Cooper, but it just doesn’t have the charm of some of her other movies.

Grade: D+

A-Team?

Sandra: “It’s okay, Bradley. We’ll get through this shitty movie alive.”
Thomas Haden Church: “Yeah, look at me. I lived through Spider-man III.”
_______________________________________________________________________

Bradley Cooper: “I can see the future. Does Michelle McGee ring a bell to you?”

Sandra Bullock: “No, why?”

Bradley Cooper: “Uh, never mind…”

Remember Jesse Camp?

Remember Jesse Camp?

As I listened to a podcast, they mentioned Jesse Camp. I started laughing because I remember this burn out MTV VJ. He could bare speak, yet he had two shows. This was when MTV was still showing music videos and not Jersey Shore reruns and other teen-based reality shows. You couldn't turn on MTV without seeing this guy's ugly face.

At first it made me wonder; Why would MTV want to hire this loser? Yet, come to find out, he was a winner on a VJ contest and they had to take him. I'm surprised he even lasted a year on MTV, but then again look at who is starring in their current shows on the network.

Naturally, a guy with no talent would later start up his own band. They were called Jesse & the 8th Street Kidz, it makes it cool when you replace the “S” with a “Z”. Listening to a few samples from his album, it sounds like a poor retro tribute album with the same guitar riffs on every track. But, it is Jesse Camp's terrible voice that is the problem. Don't take my word for it, listen this mess on Rhapsody.

After his album crapped out, Camp just disappeared.

From MTV.com, (("The kid was a confused teenager who ended up fooling the whole world, including me. Thousands of fans lined up outside record stores when he released his rock and roll album ... problem [is] nobody bought, they just wanted to touch him, be him for a day. ... He has spent the last several years trying to find himself and do the right thing, unfortunately without much success to date."))

It would appear he went from working on MTV to a Pet Store clerk. I used to work as a clerk and I can tell you it is a horrible job. Now, think of having your own TV show and album to working for a Pet Store, ouch.

Now, let this be a warning to the Jersey Shore cast.

The Brothers Solomon

The Brothers Solomon

Wow, this movie pretty much rips off Dumb and Dumber, but with worst results. The movie really isn’t a gross-out humor type of movie like Freddy Got Fingered, but the film never knows what kind of movie it wants to be. And, the movie never really makes it clear if the two Solomon brothers are totally stupid are clueless intelligent guys.

Basically, these two brothers having a dying father that they want to impress by getting a woman pregnant. That’s right, they want to have a child with a woman and attempt to find the right woman for the job. After many failed attempts, one being a larger woman getting hit by a bus, they zero in on Kristen Wiig’s character. So, then the movie shifts to this woman getting knocked up and the Solomon brothers trying to train for childhood.

This is all supposed to be funny, but it isn’t.

Bob Odenkirk’s direction has some potential, but it never lives up to promise. Everything comes across as flat. Will Forte’s script, if you can call it that, is not only unfocused, it is also just plain unfunny. There are a few exceptions. The sky banner joke is rather funny, and the opening credits with the Solomon’s smiling at the title cards. However, these positives aspects to the movie are few. It’s like finding corn in a lump of poop. Sure, you found something, but you’re still digging through crap.

Will Arnett has proven that he can handle comedy on Arrested Development, but I’m not sure why he felt the need to show up here. Then again most of Arnett’s movies aren’t very appealing. Here, he just sleepwalks through each scene, sometimes doing goofy things Tom Green would be proud of. Will Arnett isn’t any better.

The movie is a total bust, and it would have made my worst of the decade list. Avoid this movie at all cost. This is one family reunion I never want to revisit again.

Grade: D

Pamela Anderson and Crazy Domains

Pamela Anderson and Crazy Domains

Pamela Anderson in an ad? Have we flashback to the 90s?

Now, what exactly is this ad supposed to be selling? Milk? Sex with two babes? Nope, buying your domain name and web hosting, but it seems to be selling us on Pamela Anderson. I first thought it was a milk commercial.

It would appear that some people in Australia didn’t like what the ad was implying with the “milk” slashing on female bodies. From the Sun, ((But the racy commercial has been banned by Australia's Advertising Standards Bureau after it sparked hundreds of complaints. ))

Something tells me most of the complaints came from women and probably mothers. Nope, we can't have sex in ads, but blowing a guys brains out is acceptable. While I have my problems with sex in ads, I can't side with ASB on this. Like in the US, I think people have too much time on their hands to write and complain about shit like this ad. It is a stupid ad with Baywatch/Barb Wire star.

I'm more offended that anyone finds Pamela Anderson relevant or even sexy anymore. Her expiration date went out a long time ago. I find this amusing because I told a co-worker, who thinks she's attractive, that I found her overrated. She's what Big Business believes is what guys find attractive. I'll take a Gianna Michaels over a young Pamela Anderson any day.

And, it amazes me that advertising groups believe that only the Pamela types can sell their products.

Regardless how I feel about it, this little controversy will give Crazy Domains a lot of free press and probably new clients. Way to play right into their hands.

Joslyn James: Sexting, texting, and posting…

Joslyn James: It’s a bit too late for that. (radio interview)

As you already know, a certain Pornstar by the name of Joslyn James has been connected to super-slut Tiger Woods. She supposedly had a long affair with the golfing superstar, and she even claims she had two aborted pregnancies that were Tiger’s. (How does a Pornstar NOT have some form of birth control? That’s just stupid.)

So, now Tiger's former girlfriend/sex buddy has a website devoted to posting all of Tiger Woods' dirty text messages. (Not safe for work) And, some of them are very dirty. Sure we get a peek into Tiger Woods' sex life, but at this at point is this Web Site even necessary? The damage is already done, now it just is embarrassing his wife when you release these text messages.

So, what is this Pornstar's motive behind the damn site? She wants an apology for Tiger's actions. Uh, releasing personal text messages will not get you an apology. First off, you were just the “Other-Other” girl. You don't deserve any apology. Second, you made the choice to bang a famous married man. It you that should apologize to the wife, Joslyn James. Look, you got F'ed over (literally) and it is time to move on.

By the way, I did some research and watched a few of her old porn movies. Holy Cow, she isn't innocent in any way. (Listen, I did it for research. Honestly. )

Look how “innocent” she is in this clip. Enjoy...

After watching some of her “movies”, I'm a little disappointed in Tiger. This was the best you could do? She is everything that is wrong with the porn industry. Fake breasts, too many tattoos, and spray on tans. I'm noticing a trend here with all of Tiger's girlfriends, all of them are fake, plastic, and trashy.

I'm not saying I agree with his actions, but at least get some better levels of women. If you're going to cheat go for the gold and not bronze. How about not cheating at all?

Final Fantasy XIII: This is what they did to Shiva?

Final Fantasy XIII: This is what they did to Shiva?

Someone at work revealed to me that they turned one of my favorite summons into a damn motorcycle. That's right they turned the elegant half-naked frozen woman into twins that transform into a damn Ice Bike that the dude rides. That's just strange. For some reason the clip reminded me of a reverse Ghost Rider with the ice trail.

I did like the friendly kiss the Shiva sisters give the character at the end. But, there is so many inappropriate jokes you could make about a dude riding a chick-motorcycle.

Here's how I'd like to remember my Shiva.

From FF7

This one is rather simple and she simply throws ice at her opponents.

FF8

Very similar to FF7, but the graphics are bit more complex.

FF9

Wow, they really improved the character model for Shiva.

FFX

This one I really enjoy. She has that strange watery intro and her attacks are very cool. (Pun intended)

So, how does she go from being a sexy Summons that throw ice at you to a damn motorcycle?

I'm not knocking it, because it does look pretty sweet. But it just seems strange.