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Showing posts from October, 2015

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

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Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2   Within the first few minutes, you know you've made a mistake with picking a movie. Yet, you can't look away because it is so bad. If you like being reminded that Kevin James is fat and enjoy watching him fall down and get hit, then this movie is for you. Kevin James, somehow you managed to make a movie that is worst than the first movie. I am not sure if it was laziness or sheer stupidity, but this movie makes the first one look like Observe and Report. Yet, I could sit through the movie to end. (I couldn't finish Strange Magic) Blart is a poorly constructed sequel that no one wanted or asked for after 6-7 years. Yet, here it is. I hate Kevin James and his character Blart, but I don't truly hate this movie. I actually feel sad for it like a lost kitten. There is NO reason for this movie to even be made. It seemed the first movie said all that it needed to say about. They separate Blart from his wife from the first m...

Jaleel White and Wax Museum Steve Urkel

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Jaleel White and Wax Museum Steve Urkel  What the f' was that? Did I fall into a time vortex and arrive in the 90s? I really, really hate this ad a lot and I really hate the character of Urkel too. I remember everyone talking about how cool he was in his first appearance on Family Matters. I kind of liked the original concept of the show with it being about a black working class family, Then, they added Urkel to the show and the ratings started to take off, but the concept for the show switched to Urkel instead.  The show got progressively dumber and dumber with a bunch of sci-fi concepts.  I hated the character because he was just an updated version of JJ from Good Times. I just didn't understand why people liked him given that he's a live version of Jar-Jar Binks. I guess some ad exec got nostalgic for TGIF shows and dug up Jaleel White (AKA Sonic the Hedgehog) for this stupid unfunny commercial. And, if I hear one more person say, “did ...

The Boy Next Door

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The Boy Next Door Oh, boy this is a bad, bad movie. Rob Cohen again brings his shitty game to this movie. Has he ever made a good movie? It stars J-Lo and her booty. It is part thriller and part horror (bad horror at that). Basically, J-Lo falls in love with the boy next door, bangs him and then regrets it. The Next Door Boy becomes a stalker and starts doing crazy things. Think of this movie as a part That's My Boy (but funnier) and part J-Lo movie. None of it works. You know you're in trouble when the movie opens on a poorly conceived montage while J-Lo is jogging just to give us back story into the family. I was utterly confused and then amused because it poorly acted and edited. The dialogue between J-Lo and her family is laughable at best. When the “boy” shows up, the movie only gets worst from there. Ryan Guzman is NOT 17 years old as the movie tries to tell you. He looks more like 25 years old than 17. And, it not convincing in any way. ...

Small Wonder Kids

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If you remember that horrible show Small Wonder, you remember the really bad cast. The thing is the child actors from show what happens after the show ends on both ends of the spectrum. Tiffany Brissette aka Vicki: She ended up leaving acting and went to college and became a nurse. She seems to have moved away from Hollywood and not become a total asshole like some child actresses. On the other hand...The fat kid that played her brother ended up with a lot of shit. The TV Guidance Counselor Podcast and they mentioned that other kid ended up in a bad, bad place...literally. Jerry Supiran: He ended up leaving acting in 89, but here's the worst part. He was a waiter for a while before losing his job. Now, he lives under a bridge...just like a troll.  He is homeless From Fox News.com, (( Down-on-his-luck actor Jerry Supiran, 39, also claimed a crooked money man contributed to his current situation, living under a bridge in central California, according to T...

Slap a Homeless, land in jail

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Guy in front of the camera, let me be the first to tell you to “fuck off”. Its people like you that make the black community so fucked up today. We talk about the outside forces that screw up minority/urban areas, but it is little pieces of human shits like that make going to the “hood” unbearable. Now, I am NOT a huge fan of the homeless folks, mainly because they continue to bother you after you tell them no, but this is inhuman. You know a lot of these people have major mental problems and living bad conditions, they don't need your ignorant ass knocking them out. When a homeless person gets pushy or shitty, you walk away from them. Don't confront them.  And, why do the thugs sound just as bad as the homeless folks?  What has happened to our education system?   It also bothers me that, in broken English, the ignorant thugs talking shit after knocking out a 40+ woman. Yeah, you're a real thug, asshole. Here's the best part. It was posted on Face...

Jupiter Ascending (Part 2 of 2)

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 Jupiter Ascending (Part 2 of 2) Michael Giacchino is the composer and it is one of the best things in the movie. Giacchino 's score is very good and stands out as the shining aspect in a steaming turd. The chorus gives the movie an epic feel with some powerful themes. The score is very catchy with some strong themes. Trust me when I say that the bombastic music gives this movie an edge. It seems to be the only thing the directors cared about other than the visuals and makeup and it shows. Make sure to take a listen. So what about the leading star of the movie Mila Kunis? Mila does three things in this movie. She gets captured, whispers a lot and falls a lot. For a movie that is centered around her character. She isn't as active as Neo in the Matrix. And, that is interesting because she also discovers her mundane world is just a front for a bigger universe. Plus, the movie goes out of its way to tell us how important Jupiter Jones is to this expansive worl...

Project Greenlight: The driver

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This show is so good this season.  It seems like this is a movie I'd love to see.  And, it is coming together better than Battle at Shaker Heights.    Effie Brown: I understand her point of view of on diversity. I can get behind wanting more minorities in front and behind the camera. Hollywood is lacking that behind the scenes folks. However, I had a major problem with her freaking out over a black man being a driver in a scene. In real life, there are people of color that work in the service industry. Why was this such a hang up for her? From Scpr.com, ( (Brown says in the show why she changed the casting of the driver to a white actor: "A butler, a chauffeur — these are tropes that we have seen time and time again, and I think that those images are done. It's time for us to tell a different narrative."  )) But there is a difference between showing a buffoonish black server, in those old movies, and just having an extra in the scene. I...

Rick and Morty - Feels Good

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Rick and Morty - Feels Good I love this show and it always parodies sci-fi tropes and cliches. I love the mean spirited nature of the show given how PC we've become over the years. This episode is one of my favorites because the entire thing is ripping apart the concept of The Purge. The whole Purge thing is a flawed concept away that has spawned two (maybe more) movies. In the end, Rick and Morty get Iron Man type suits and start killing people. Morty starts playing Tony, Toni, Tone's Feels Good. I love when the native girl starts dancing to the song as the floors are soaked in blood. Whenever I hear this song, I just laugh now thanks to R&M. It feels good!

Jupiter Ascending (Part 1 of 2)

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  Jupiter Ascending (Part 1 of 2) Oh, boy, this movie is such an epic mess that it almost comes across as a parody of a big budget film . There are bad acting choices and poor story decisions that this movie makes you actually long for the days of Speed Racer and The Matrix Revolution. That's how bad this movie is. Given this is a fresh and new world, I wanted to like the movie, but the movie is just plain bad. The movie is a total mess with a major budget and never made its money back despite doing better overseas. First off, the visuals are truly stunning. It honestly looks like a live action Anime movie. There are robots of all sorts and huge ships and strange aliens thrown in for good measure. The style of clothing is also pretty to marvel. There are some amazing things here they wanted to do in their earlier movies. However, wrapped up in a weak narrative and poor acting, it simply fails. Overall, the characters and story are just weak. It is l...

I like this outfit

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I hate Halloween, but I came across this adult outfit that caught my attention. Now, that's combining two things I like in the world: Women and Bubblegum. I wonder what would happen if you turn the nob?  And, I'd be okay with women walking around in this outfit all year long.   Now, if they have a corn on the cob sexy outfit....They do. I could make some kind of butter joke, but I won't.   Side note: In the first season of TNG, they strongly imply Halloween isn't around anymore. Picard doesn't seem to recognize it. I hope for this future too. So no Halloween or baseball.   

Focus

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Focus Someone wanted me to watch and review this movie, so let's get started. Will Smith plays a conman that ends up falling in love with a new conwoman. We get to see the inside to his methods via the newer conwoman. For about 40 minutes, it is a very good movie. However, it just completely falls apart in the second half. With some good acting, the movie is a little better than it should be. The movie is separated into two sections with only a few things connected between the two. And, the first half of the movie is the better part of the movie. It is a real shame the second half just falls flat. The first half introduces Will Smith's character and his con game. It seems to work well with the story, acting and editing. The movie truly feels like a con movie where we see all the various cons and it is very fun to watch. I had a smile on my face when I watched them explaining all the cons. The story is very good at that point. Plus, we get to see Will Sm...

Random Things

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Random Things  ~Charlie's Angels the first movie: While Tom Green isn't that funny in the movie, most of the other things actually work. The movie is full of the camera zooming in on the three women asses, not that I am complaining, but there are a ton of ass shots. McG must really like the booty. This was also during the time when Hollywood loved Chinese wire-work. There are also tons of double entendre every scene. It's a silly movie that is a lot of fun and funny.This movie came out in 2000...15 years ago.  They also tried to relive that movie with another TV in 2011, but that failed.  I think something like that on TV can only work back in the 70s and 80s.   ~Re-Watched Moon: That's the Sam Rockwell movie where Sam's character (Named Sam) discovers that he is a clone and meets up with his former clone. It is interesting to see Rockwell play two different versions of himself from different points in his three year life span. I wrote...

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

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Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb  Well, it is certainly better than the second movie, but not as entertaining and funny as the first movie. I love history and the various figures from the different time periods. It is a cool concept that worked for the first movie, and it works somewhat here. I think the script is far weaker that the first movie. The magical tablet from the first two movie is starting to lose its power and all the figures start to malfunction. The gang goes to a British Museum to figure out what is going on to the tablet. Shawn Levy 's direction is rather bland and doesn't stand out. Levy isn't the best director overall to make these effects heavy movies or comedies. I think Levy should have gone through the script a few more times. Robin Williams is very good as Teddy Roosevelt . It is very sad to see Williams in basically his last role. He was the best thing about the first two movies. I am really saddened that th...

Game of War: Please stop trying to confuse yourself with Game of Thrones

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Game of War: Please stop trying to confuse yourself with Game of Thrones Every time I see an ad for Game of War, I shake my head. Please stop trying to confuse people into thinking this is a Game of Thrones game. Game of War is such a generic title that has to be the only reason to call it that. It's like calling GTA Game of Carjacking. I know book series that the show is based on came out a long time ago, but the TV came out in April 2011. “Just throw game in the title!” Yeah, I not complaining about the nudity, but does this remind you of anyone from Game of Thrones that has an empire right now?   Then there are the annoying ads. I am no Anita, but really, Machine Zone ? Boobs are your way to for a strategy game? At least with GTA, there was actual sex and nudity. Here, you keep showing off Kate Upton breasts and her bad acting as if boobs will pop out of your Phone when you win. The ads just annoy me on all levels, and I LOVE sex appeal. From the ...

Back to the Future tour 30 years later

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Back to the Future tour 30 years later You should have seen my face when I watched this video. I rarely smile or grin anymore, but I was grinning with pure delight. It is extremely cool to see these locations. BTTF is one of my favorite movies, and most of my friends are aware of this because I constantly quote the first two movies. And, I still call people Buttheads. ~The train location, where the time machine gets destroyed: I guess there was never a bridge there and that was painted in. Also, why didn't the train stop after smashing the time machine. It looks like the track isn't in use today, but I have to look it up to see. ~Hilldale: The grass seems to be a bit more patchy, but it looks the same. BTW, the neighborhood looks pretty good, but the movie wants you to believe it is a piece of shit. ~Marty's Home: Wow, it looks almost the same in every way. I am sure the owners really hate seeing fanboys visiting their house. I am almost c...

Ahmed: The Clock King

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Ahmed: The Clock King Cool clock, bro. Look, I don't really know what to say. I really can't take a side on this issue, because it does seem to be all over the place. It will be troubling to find out this father made his son do it for fame and donations. There seems to be a trend where people stage a racist or homophobic narrative in order to get attention or to get rich. I always hate this type of shit, because it takes away from actual racist or homophobic incidents. Remember the waitress that made up the homophobic note in order to get rich. I am really hoping this isn't the case with this kid and his strange father. It just feels like the Balloon Boy all over again. I still think there was an overreaction to the clock though. They shouldn't have arrested him over this shit, but something doesn't add up. However, the video also has a bit of a slant too. The video leans too far right for me to be 100% on board. However, we got too many peo...

William Shatner vs. Wil Wheaton (revisited)

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William Shatner vs. Wil Wheaton (revisited) Wil Wheaton and I may not see eye to eye political, but it takes some guts to reveal this incident. I always mention this story to hardcore TOS fans when they diss TNG.The TNG cast got along really well. After the Bill Cosby thing, I really don't have "heroes" to look up to anymore.  Wil had to deal with that at a younger age.  I've told this story many times, but it is good to hear it from the source first hand. I actually remember reading about this incident years before the Internet was even a thing. It seems the encounter with Shatner had gotten around the studio and whispered to outsiders too. It even made it into a tell-all Trek movie book. I heard all the stories about the TOS actors hating him and Nick Myers being very vocal about his encounters with Shatner on ST-II and VI. However, this incident just stayed with me. As I wrote before, I could have met Shatner first hand at a local video/comi...