G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Even with terrible acting and cheesy CGI, G.I. Joe is stupid fun with some major flaws thrown in for good measure. Stephen Sommers’s movie feels more like the Mummy movies than Van Helsing. I believed this movie was going to be a total mess, but it ended up becoming an okay movie.

I grew up watching both the G.I. Joe and Transformers cartoon shows back in the 80s. Most people from my generation grew up watching the show and buying the toys. Most people even remember the direct to video animated movie that they released and starred Don Johnson. Heck, I even owned some of the action figures.

So, does Rise of Cobra hold up on big screen?

Not exactly…

The acting in the movie is appalling. Channing Tatum really needs to take acting lessons, because he’s just not convincing as a human being let alone as a young Duke. Mr. Eko, uh, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje is all right as the British soldier Heavy Duty. There’s just not enough of him. Sienna Miller is attractive as the Baroness but just doesn’t stand out as the badass villain. Dennis Quaid may be a badass, but he walks around with a scowl on his face the whole time. I kept wondering if he was stuck in Sam Houston role from The Alamo.

There are a few good performances in the movie though.

As the main bad guy, Christopher Eccleston is surprisingly good. He hams it up a little bit. Destro is the main character.

The main reason to even buy tickets is the conflict between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Byung-hun Lee is a total badass as Storm Shadow. Ray Park, formally Darth Maul, is fun to watch as Snake Eyes. I really want to see more work from Byung-hun Lee.

Alan Silvestri is the composer and his score is grand and a bit retro that relates back to the 80s show. I still wanted to hear the old school GI Joe theme at the beginning, but sadly that didn’t happen.

Now, the biggest problem with the film is the origin story of Cobra Commander. The way they tied this character into the story is the worst part of the movie.

Director Stephen Sommers isn’t exactly the best director for the job, but at least there isn’t a lot of bad Rock Music blaring and useless slow motion. (Cough, Cough, Michael Bay). G.I. Joe isn’t the best film, but it turned out better than I thought it would be. Poorly acted, but still fun.

Grade: C

(If I were to re-grade Transformers II, it would be a C-)

Notes:

-There was a character death I was totally not expecting.

-The movie is set up for a sequel. It has a very X-Men movie vibe at the end.

-The famous line “Knowing is the half the battle” is in the movie. There are many references to the series in here.

-Despite the fact that Paramount is marketing the game to the Red States, it has nothing to do with that. GI Joe is more of an International Special Force.

Duke: "Let's just ignore the goofy Halo Fanboys standing in front of us."
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I would say something about the Sexy Sienna Miller, but the Freaking Mummy is right behind her!