So long, Speed Racer

So long, Speed Racer (My top five reasons why this movie didn’t work in the Box Office.)

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121098342861200259.html?mod=2_1168_1

The new Speed Racer movie is like Hillary Clinton, it doesn’t know it’s going to lose or won’t admit it. Someone needs to whisper in her ear and say, “It’s over.”

It was earlier reported that Speed Racer was number 2 at the Box Office. Then it was switched to number 3. That meant What Happens in Vegas... beat Speed Racer. Dumb shit Ashton Kutcher beat the dudes that made the Matrix! No talented Kutcher! Kutcher punked Speed Racer.

Since everyone in the press has decided to post their reasons why the movie failed to make money, here are a few of mine.

1. Only for lonely overweight redheaded geeks who run web sites: I personally think Speed Racer is too fanboyish for a general audience. Just read his review here. I'm a fanboy, but I can't understand why they even made a movie from a cartoon that was never popular in the first place.

2. Speed Racer who?: How many children do you even know who Speed Racer is? It isn’t the Transformers, which has currently had a TV series in some form on for 7-8 years now. Plus, there were hundreds of people my age with families now that took their little kids to see Transformers. I didn’t see that happening here with Speedy.

3. Iron Man kicked his ass: There is no doubt that Iron Man had something to do with Speed Racer’s failure. It was poor timing on the studios part to release this movie so close to a comic book movie.

4. This movie is rated PG: I’m sorry, but this keeps some of your audience away.

5. The Wachowski brothers don’t do press: This total detachment from press releases and interviews will harm your promotions, guys. People want to a peek inside the thought process of your minds. Listen, I’m not a fan of spin and fake praise, but it is necessary. (Plus, we want to know if that sex change went through.)