Swiped

Swiped 

I've been reading and watching the news about the controversy over this stupid movie.  At some point, some crazy cat lady began striking down reviewers' videos on YT and attacking critics who bash the movie.  I ran to my Netflix account and watched this piece of crap.   

Actually, this is an insult to real steaming crap. 

Swiped is a movie that a boomer mommy would write and produce.  The movie has a focus on a nerdy college student creating a new hook up app.  I've never seen a movie so confused by its own message and identity.  While it is not on the level of a Neil Breen movie, there is nothing redeeming or entertaining about the entire film.  Is it supposed to be funny?  I don’t know.  

How do I describe this movie?  Modest.  Everything about this thing is modest.  It is like someone with guarded sensibilities wrote and directed this thing.  The movie never wants to dive into the darker and dirtier parts of hook up culture and is written from a mommy perspective.   

Who’s to blame for this bad movie? Ann Deborah Fishman?  Yes, Fishman wrote and directed this lame duck of a movie.  She gets lost in merging different ideas into one narrative and it feels more like a WB series from the 90s than an actual movie.  Everything from the acting and the writing seems to have a UPN/WB feel without the sexy.   

-Hook-Up Culture:  Despite not taking part in the joys of hook up culture, I kind of like this new trend of putting aside bullshit and just getting to the point.  Let's just bump uglies.  While I don't take part in the hookup thing, I fully know and work around the culture.   

-To be funny or not:  The director/writer claims this is a parody, but there isn't much in the way of humor.  The movie is too clean to be a sex comedy.   Out of nowhere, the movie becomes an unfunny Grumpy Old Men short.  The movie literally shifts gears to old people sitting around and talking about hooking up.  And, we also get an unfunny subplot about a mom trying to the hook-up culture.   

-Secret Christan movie?:  Despite its strange belief of being a pro-feminist movie, it comes across as a bit more like one of those shitty Christen movies.  It has a strong stance against the "hook up" culture and it leans into traditional dating instead.  Even the way it is shot and edited feels like a Christan movie.  It is that bad.   

- Kristen Johnston, remember her?:  What happened to this lady?  I remember her being the "it" woman for sitcoms in the 90s early 00s.  I know this sounds mean, but she looks like the world has taken its toll on her.  It seems she had a terrible stint of bad things happen to her.  It appears she was also blacklisted by Hollywood.  And, she can't really give a shit about being in this movie.  I don't blame her because it is nothing role.   I feel bad for Johnston.

Even by indie movie standards, this movie isn't well constructed or entertaining.  The writing is terrible with some awkward lines and story detours.  When you don’t have the budget, you have to rely on a strong script.   I think Fishman sneaked in a Christan movie under the guise of sex comedy about hook-up culture.  The movie fails on both fronts.  Check it out, but it is not on The Room level.   I don't give an "F" about this movie, so I am going to give it an F. 

Grade: F+ 

 Someone JUST discovered Pornhub.

______________________________________________________

 That is the expression of someone just letting a fart out.  Can Johnston not give more shits.

_____________________________________________________________

 No clever comment, just f' this movie.

____________________________________________________________________________________

We are trapped in a CW nightmare.