Oh, no How to Keep Trick or Treaters Off Your Doorstep.
If you're like me, you hate Halloween. No matter what you do, those little trick-or-treaters still knock at your door, demanding candy. I've decided to come up with some interesting ways to get rid of these treaters.
1 Circle your home in a wall of flames: Nothing says 'keep out' like a wall of fire. If anyone gets past this fiery wall, they deserve some candy, damn it.
2 Build a trap door under your welcome rug: When they ring the doorbell, they fall into a pit.
3 Buy a Mark Foley Mask: Hide behind a large bush, and when a group of Trick/treaters come around, jump out with the Mark Foley mask on. This should have all the treaters running for their lives.
4 Get rid of your unwanted can goods: Instead of giving out candy, simply hand out your unwanted can goods, you know the ones that have been sitting in your house for ages. Nothing is better than giving out canned tuna to complete strangers.
Kid: “Hey, this isn't candy.”
James: “It's better than candy, it's canned Kale greens and tuna. Now, beat it kid!”
5 Simply don't answer the door: This is old school, but still works.
6 Place all your Christmas decorations out during Halloween: When the kids see your house, they'll think they passed through some temporal nexus that threw them a few months forward. When you answer the door, yell “Marry Christmas!”
Creepy
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