Jared the video pimp

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/05/09/bwe-exclusive-jared-fogle-the-pornography-guy/

Anyone that’s read my blog long enough knows that I have a deep hatred for Mr. Subway Guy Jared. There’s something about this guy I don’t like. Maybe it’s the fact he carries a pair of oversized pants around with him, or the fact he always has a hot woman on his arm.

((Well, it turns out in college, the All-American Jared was known for something entirely different. According to our source, while studying at Indiana University, Fogle ran a very successful pornography rental company out of his bedroom. His porn collection was vast and extensive, and Fogle took his business pretty seriously. A video would run a patron a dollar a day (cheap!), and people would come from all over to take advantage of the deal. Needless to say, Jared had enough porn to keep his customers happy.))

So before he became Mr. Subway, he was the campus video pimp. There’s an ‘Eat Fresh’ joke in there somewhere, but I won’t say it. I guess we can imagine how he lost 200 pounds now… On second thought, let’s not.

BTW, he had a deleted scene in Scary Movie III; luckily most people haven’t seen it.

Jared says he wasn’t a porn pimp, but he would lend his catalogue of porn out to the rest of the campus, if asked. He’s such a nice guy…

Nice pink shirt there, Jared.
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Actually, this guy was minding his own business when Jared just walked up and began to sign this guy’s shirt for no reason. I’d be pissed too.
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Why is the guy in the front smiling, and why is Jared roaming around a classroom? Is Jared teaching the class about Subway sandwiches?
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That pasted smile is one of his trademarks.

Jared: “Smile and get paid.”

Comments

MC said…
I like some of the tales that are coming out in the comments section of that BWE article.
Friday, May 11, 2007 4:50:00 PM
Anonymous said…
i've heard that the story goes on like so..his college opened a subway on the first floor of his dorm, and that's how he started losing the weight, cause he was so lazy he'd just walk downstairs to get a sandwich. it's nothing i've verified, but that's what i heard when i first heard about what you mentioned. if jerod ever was in my vicinity, i'd hang a quiznos bag around my neck, to ward off the evil spirits.

paul
Friday, May 11, 2007 4:52:00 PM
Semaj said…
MC: Those are great stories coming out of the comment section. I love the one where he creeped out an Emo chick working at the Subway, because he had the hots for her.

Paul: I like that idea, sort of like garlic to a vampire. I think Jared is actually Jacob from LOST.

His goal is to have all the Others eat Subway subs...
Friday, May 11, 2007 5:01:00 PM
Mayren said…
Paul is right... It was reported that his Subway was on the first floor of the dorm. lazy + porn rentals = subway weight loss
Monday, May 14, 2007 11:24:00 AM
Semaj said…
That's too funny. Jared: "Man, I'm too lazy to walk, so I'll eat Some subway while I pimp out my collection."

The man is a genius
Monday, May 14, 2007 1:21:00 PM
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