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More Fortune Cookie Jams Since the last fortune cookie post was good, I decided to make a sequel of sorts. (These are fortunes I want to see.) Here they are… 1 Congratulations, that cookie you just ate was poised. 2 Whew, thank God, I was trapped in that damn cookie for ages. Thank you for setting me free! 3 Yo, you going to eat that last piece of egg roll, bro? 4 If you’re reading this fortune, you just wasted five seconds of your life, idiot. 5 Dude, close the cookie, I’m sleeping in here. 6 Man whom eats fortune is a man who is still hungry. 7 7 days…

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,19406,00.html Deuce Bigalow takes a spill. ((The Deuce Bigalow thespian collapsed Wednesday on the set of his new movie, the misadventures-in-prison comedy Big Stan , and was treated at a nearby hospital for food poisoning and heat exhaustion, his publicist, Shara Koplowitz, confirmed.)) Somewhere there is a joke in this. He probably realized how bad Deuce Bigalow 2 was and collapsed in guilt.

The Agony Booth yet again makes fun of one those bad Superman Sequels with their funny review of Superman IV http://www.agonybooth.com/superman_4/default.asp?Page=1 From Imdb.com ((Superman does a lot in his newest adventure. Archvillain Lex Luthor, determined to make the world safe for nuclear arms merchants, creates a new being to challenge the Man of Steel: the radiation-charged Nuclear Man. The two super-powered foes clash in an explosive screen extravaganza that sees Superman save the Statue of Liberty, repulse a volcanic eruption of Mount Etna, rebuild the demolished Great Wall of China and perform many more spectacular feats)) Yeah, the movie is that bad. Margot Kidder looks terrible in this movie, really terrible. Because the movie tested poorly in the early test screenings, they cut the movie down to 90 mins (Sounds like X3). Taken from Superman Cinema http://www.supermancinema.co.uk/superman4/general/extra_footage/index.htm ((SUPERMAN IV's test scre...

Well, here’s more Uwe Boll fun http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=3883 Boll has been known to call people out that bash his films. He has proposed that he will box each and every critic of his films in a boxing match. BTW, Somehow, he has a fansite. It is in German.

Here is another episode of the Venture Brothers. This one has Pirates and ghosts http://youtube.com/watch?v=9coZI62Hwr8&search=Venture%20Bros Part one http://youtube.com/watch?v=sqgFmwGcxcg&search=Venture%20Bros Part two http://youtube.com/watch?v=IFkxeriqVYk&search=Venture%20Bros part three

Cool car crash http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2748350 Guy on motorcycle gets hit by a car. His bike gets smashed into hundreds of pieces and he walks away unharmed!

Here is the New Spiderman 3 teaser http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_-UglaU0kM Comment: Here is the brand new Spiderman 3 trailer. The trailer kicks major butt for real. I love the black suit.

Yikes… Now too Skinny Star Jones is leaving The View. Hmm, I wonder why… http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,19372,00.html?fdnews (( Less than three weeks after cohost Meredith Vieira signed off The View , Star Jones Reynolds has announced plans to vacate her own seat after nine seasons on the chatfest. )) (( Rumors of the daytime diva's departure first started circulating in April, when Rosie O'Donnell was named successor to Vieira, who will return to the airwaves this September as coanchor of the Today show. )) Rosie and her fat head have always hated Star Jones and have made comments about her recent weight loss. (( "What you don't know is that my contract was not renewed for the 10th season," she says in the magazine in its issue on newsstands Friday. "I feel like I was fired." )) Uh, you were fired Star Jones, sorry. One of the best things in life is watching women fight.

Well, I missed the new episode of the Team Venture Brothers Season 2. Because of that, here are some clips of the show to hold you over. This show is great. http://youtube.com/watch?v=rSjzHKekC-w&mode=related&search=Venture%20Bros Comment: This clip is a parody of Scared Straight with all the cussing and stuff. http://youtube.com/watch?v=QKzGYAFBRd0&search=Venture%20Bros Part one of the Xmass special. http://youtube.com/watch?v=0P59j-6tTUc&search=Venture%20Bros Part two

Fun With Dick and Jane Oh, boy. This movie has a lot of problems. For one, it isn’t very funny. Like the rest of Hollywood, this movie is a remake of an older movie of the same name, starring Jane Fonda . In the remake, Jim Carrey and Téa Leoni play a couple living in the suburbs. They’ve had a turn a bad luck, thanks to some ENRON type scandals. So in return, they begin to rob stores to make ends meet. We’re supposed to laugh at all the misadventures that go on in each robbery, but I didn’t laugh once. Neither will you. The movie truly feels hacked together with no real central plot to carry the movie through to the end. It looks like a test screen gave this movie a score and someone hacked the film to pieces trying to save money. I have never been a fan of Tea Leoni. I think she is the plainest woman in Hollywood, and her acting is so dull, that watching paint dry would be better entertainment for you. She definitely hurt the movie more than it neede...

Supergirl: "And that's for making me star in that really bad Supergirl movie!" Over at Trektoday.com they had a link to the review of the early terrible script by JJ Abrams. (LOST, and MI:III) http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=13350 The script he’s talking about sent WB into a nervous frenzy. They tried their best to repair the damage, but it was too late and the script was scrapped. Source: http://www.trekbbs.com/threads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=6184321&an=0&page=0#Post6184321

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/06/23/spelling.obit.ap/index.html While I was never really a fan of his work, I will still give Aaron Spelling credit for being in the business for so log. (And giving William Shatner a job.) ((Spelling died at his home in Los Angeles after suffering a stroke on June 18, according to publicist Kevin Sasaki. Spelling's other hit series included "Love Boat," "Fantasy Island," "Burke's Law," "The Mod Squad," "Starsky and Hutch," "T.J. Hooker," "Matt Houston," "Hart to Hart" and "Hotel." He kept his hand in 21st-century TV with series including "7th Heaven" and "Summerland."))

http://www.tvweek.com/news.cms?newsId=10248 Remember when I told you about you about the return of Futrama? Well, it’s been confirmed that a new season of 13 eps will show up on CC. What does this mean for the movie ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0471711/ )? I’m not sure. ((Three years after Fox canceled the show, Matt Groening's "Futurama" will resume production for a 13-episode run on Comedy Central. The new episodes will be added to the network's library of 72 "Futurama" episodes previously licensed from 20th Century Fox Television. Voice talent Billy West, Katey Sagal and John DiMaggio will return for the new episodes, which will debut in 2008.))

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sZenhQlJp24&feature=Views&page=1&t=t&f=b Once again, Steve Colbert hits a homerun with this clip. I love the guy in the FOX news clip trying to make a connection between gay marriage and animal/human marriages. Someone should have stopped him and asked him if he was on drugs. I could care less who gets married gay or straight.

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2746743 Is this real? A newswoman is reporting on a recent hike in violence, when a guy starts goofing off behind her. She warns him twice and that’s when he messes with her hair. She then runs after him and throws something at him. It seems a little staged to me, but I don’t know…

Chia Pet http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2746223 Nothing is more of a lame gift than a chia pet. I wouldn’t even give one to my worst enemy, let alone a friend. Why would anyone even want one of these pieces of sh**? This is almost as bad as that singing fish. It's no wonder why your second movie bombed Garfield. It's true, 7.29M

Geeze, what a total tool… http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2746776 Kevin Federline at his best (Meaning his worst). What did she see in this guy? He makes me look like Prince Charming. Funniest part is the fact that he kind of looks bored with the whole thing.

Well, here it is. The streaming score to Superman Returns. Click on the link in the first post. The score is extremely cool. http://www.trekbbs.com/threads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=6185149&an=0&page=0#Post6185149 enjoy It's ten times better than the crap in X3

http://www.chud.com/index.php?type=dvd&id=6933 The Chud reviews another season of Alf. When I was younger, I used to love this show, but now I don’t know why. And, don’t forget to add two different Cartoon spin-offs.

Whoa, now they’re making a Clock Tower movie from the Clock Tower videogames http://www.chud.com/index.php?type=news&id=6957 (( The story by horror go-to scribe Jake Wade Wall (who penned the remake of The Hitcher ) is apparently based on the third game in the series, which involved a regular girl who discovers that her family has battled evil spirits for generations. Todd Farmer ( Jason X ) worked on a previous script for the project. )) I don’t think this movie will be good at all.

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=23635 here’s Harry’s take on Superman Returns. Be careful of the spoilers. It's a fanboy gush all the way.

There’s a cloud of positive buzz floating around Superman Returns, so here’s some more. http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/va/20060620/115079676600.html (( Hollywood's two trade newspapers, Daily Variety and Hollywood Reporter, gave the movie strong reviews, with The Reporter describing it as "a heartfelt Superman movie that plays to a broad audience thanks to an emotionally troubled Man of Steel." Daily Variety critic Todd McCarthy said director Bryan Singer had imprinted the Warner Bros. movie with its own personality. "'Superman Returns' is never self-consciously hip, ironic, post-modern or camp. To the contrary, it's quite sincere, with an artistic elegance," he said. )) (( Newsweek said Singer, who left the popular " X-Men " franchise to make "Superman Returns," did the right thing from the start of "this gorgeously crafted epic" by showing respect for the most foursquare comic superheroes of them all. ))

Random Thoughts (A father’s tale) ~Well, father’s day has gone by and I didn’t call my father. And, quite frankly, I feel good about it. I’ve tried my best to keep him out of my life completely and I’ve succeeded. If there is one person that gets on my nerves, it is my father. Never has there been such a loser. However, I have to say that payback is a bitch. He treated my brother and I like shit and now we won’t even talk to him. ~One of the final straws in the non-relationship with my father was a moment when he called me right out of the blue. “Hey,” he said over the phone. I could hear the apprehension in his voice. I was certain all the physical problems he had now were starting to affect his mind. I didn’t want to talk to him, but I did. “Hello, how are you?” I asked, lying. “Great, everyone in Memphis are doing well too,” he replied. “Uh, that’s great…” I managed to say. I started to get slightly angry because I didn’t want to talk to him,...

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift Like the last two movies, the third movie in the Fast and Furious franchise is about racing. Also, like the last two movies, it’s about hot women walking around with barely anything on and a movie with a paper-thin plotline, plus terrible acting. However, most people don’t go for the storyline or the acting, they watch F&F movies for the cars. Unlike the last two movies, this one takes place in Japan just like the title says. What does work in this movie is the fish out of water story , despite the really poor acting by Lucas Black and his annoying southern accent. Most videogamers are fully aware of drifting stuff from the many street racing games, but for the F&F series this is a first. For the most part, the stunt driving is nicely done in this movie. And most of the music is okay, being that a lot of it is hip-hop and J-pop. If I had one complaint about the music, it would have to be the way over used song by Kid...

I’m like a packrat. I generally keep things way after their prime and mainly because I’m too cheap to buy new things. At work, I had these old ratty steal toe boots. They were at least 3 years old and had holes in the bottom. However, I liked them. Two days ago, after work, I was walking to my car. I rested my old boots on the back of the car on the trunk and unlocked the doors. I got inside and drove off, that was when I heard a huge thud from behind. “WTF? Did I just hit someone or something?” I looked back in my side-view mirror and saw my damn boots on the street. I had forgotten to take them inside the car with me. I stopped the car and looked back at the boots one more time and I made a decision, I drove off without them. I left them behind. It felt like I’d left a friend out in a battlefield. That’s okay; I just got some new ones yesterday. End

“For the last F’ing time, I’m not Paul Walker.” WTF? Roger Ebert liked Fast and the Furious 3 (3 fast 3 furious). ((But in "The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift," he takes an established franchise and makes it surprisingly fresh and intriguing. The movie is not exactly "Shogun" when it comes to the subject of an American in Japan (nor, on the other hand, is it " Lost in Translation "). But it's more observant than we expect, and uses its Japanese locations to make the story about something more than fast cars. Lin is a skillful director, able to keep the story moving, although he needs one piece of advice. It was Chekhov, I believe, who said when you bring a gun onstage in the first act, it has to be fired in the third. Chekhov might also have agreed that when you bring Nathalie Kelley onstage in the first act, by the third act the hero should at least have been able to kiss her.))

http://aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=23612 Comment: Moriarty from Aintitcool.com visited the editing room of the Pirates of the Caribbean 2 film. He has some interesting things to say about the movie. I hope this isn’t a major let down, I really hope so.

Sigh, once again, Britney Spears does it again. From IMDB.com (( Britney Spears stunned shoppers and staff at a Victoria's Secret lingerie shop last week, when she changed her son's diaper on the store's dirty floor. The Toxic singer was shopping at the shop in Mission Viejo, California, on June 4, where she purchased some pink g-stings with eight-month-old son Sean Preston in tow. The tot needed to have his diaper changed and the 24-year-old plopped him down on the floor next to the cash register. A shocked sales associate recalls, "We don't have the cleanest floors. She just put him down and changed his diaper and then handed it to a sales clerk saying, 'Can you throw this away for us?' We told her that we couldn't put that in our trash." Spears' parenting skills have been questioned several times this year - in February she received a visit from the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) after she was photographed driving w...

I knew something was up, when people started to quote the Nacho Libre trailers. People haven’t even seen the movie yet, and I hear them quoting lines. While I'm not a huge fan of Napoleon Dynamite (It is still better than most crap that is out today described as comedies.), I still think this movie might actually be good. For once the marketing rats got it right, the trailers are funny. Below is a positive review of the film. http://english.ohmynews.com/articleview/article_view.asp?no=299075&rel_no=1 Trailer one: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457510/trailers-screenplay-E26720-10-2 Trailer three: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457510/trailers-screenplay-E26680-10-2 The third trailer uses James Horner’s Zorro music in it.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir. Do you maggots understand that? No one is more of an ass-kicker than R. Lee Ermey. When I was younger, this was the guy that scared me sh*tless with his best role ever in the most excellent film Full Metal Jacket . His one-liners in FMJ are still quoted by my friends and I today. Even when the movies are crap, he seems to always stand out as a good actor and character. I’ll now take a look at some of his work. Se7en : I just loved his line: “This isn’t even my desk,” he says when he picks up someone’s phone. And he promptly hangs up on the caller. "Miami Vice" : Hmmm, didn’t know he was on this show for one ep. Full Metal Jacket : This was the role that put him on the map. Great role, great movie. Fletch Lives : What a crappy movie, at l...

Goalkeeper Scores Goal http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2736163 While I am not a fan of most sporting events, this was an amazing feat, that’s for sure. The goalkeeper kicks the ball all the way across the field and into the other team’s net. The other goalkeeper has to feel like a tool after that.

Henry Rollins writes a letter http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2740553 Okay, I just love this letter to Ann Coulter from Henry Rollins.

“Hulk, you’ve just been erased.” It’s a ‘do over’ for the new Hulk film. http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=23554 ((ARAD: (edit) …a lot of people are looking forward to the comic book version of the HULK. That’s the one we are making, and I think it will be incredibly satisfying. It will be big and awesome and a big ride. iF: So will you be recasting HULK with completely new actors? ARAD: It’s a “do-over”. I loved the HULK movie, it was just a different approach, and it wasn’t exactly the comic. We want to be much closer to the comic. It’s what we would rather do.)) While I was never a fan of the first Hulk movie, and I nearly walked out, I don’t think it is right to wipe the continuity of the first movie clean. Just make the second one better; anything could be better than the first one.

Ghetto Power Rangers http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8985682698021132987&q=Juggernaut+Bitch%21 Yet, another video by those Juggernaut Bitch! People

WTF? Here is a Chinese Coke/WoW ad. I don’t really see the connection between WoW and Coke, but here it is… http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1175367493081978705 I dont know, or is this Japanese?

This is the reason why Robot Chicken kicks butt… http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8044196759480206228 With a Star Wars spoof and a Beavis and Butthead spoof, you can’t go wrong. And here’s Mario vs Halo video http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7412348055975240230 It pretty much shows how much gaming has changed over the years.

Well, here’s a positive early review of Superman Returns. The writer really enjoyed the movie and there’s not that much in the way of spoilers. I dont think the movie will be a huge hit, mainly because it wasnt made for the mass- Stupid-audience like X3. http://hollywood-elsewhere.com/archives/2006/06/_blue_babyblue.php

Well, here’s the Secret Ending to Kingdom Hearts II http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wk0dHswn_5o&search=Kingdom%20hearts%202%20ending What does all this mean? Not sure, but it pretty much confirms that there will be a KH3, someday. Notice the background gets ‘deleted’ like a program. Here are some questions… Who are the three people in the armor suits? Why do they have keyblades? Why are they surrounded by keyblades? Now, I hope the next game shows us a completely different set of characters.

Devo rocks the house http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2734889 Devo was the Sh*t in the 80s. The song and the video were so bad that it was good. You have to love those dumb red hats. I want one, for real.

Paris Hilton screws up and pulls a Halle Berry type hit and run http://people.monstersandcritics.com/article_1171674.php/Paris_Hiltons_parking_woes Comment: ((Paris Hilton's well documented propensity for occupying handicapped spots illegally now has Hilton caught on tape hitting a car with her Range Rover in a Robertson Blvd. parking structure in Los Angeles, then leaving the scene of the accident as cameras captured the entire event. After loading loot into the trunk of her Range Rover, Hilton said her farewells to her closet clutter-buster and eBay reseller, pal Kimberly Kardashian, who incidentally is also Nick Lachey's new squeeze, and backed out of her parking spot. C-R-A-S-H. )) You have to love the fact that she hits a car and drives off. Rich people are crazy.

Date Movie It isn’t a very good movie at all. Alyson Hannigan is a very talented young woman, but she seemed to be completely lost in the shabby story. It is just not very funny. Now, I can’t stand date/romance movies and they should be lampooned, but this movie wasn’t it. The movie tried its best to make us laugh, but there’s not much to watch here. Eddie Griffin , while very talented, doesn’t turn down any crappy role. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo , Scary Movie 3 , The New Guy , proves my point. He’s not very good here, but like Hannigan, he tries his best. The movie was short, almost too short. It looked like the movie ran out things to say real quick. The other problem was that movie parodies movies that are not even romance movies such as Kill Bill and King Kong. I can’t recommend this movie, but I can recommend the un-rated DVD, because of the commentaries. Here’s the reason why: they have an anti-commentary that has two critics bashing the mo...

Things I’ve learned Dropping an unopened coke can on your foot hurts like hell : Nothing hurts worst than dropping a damn coke on your big toe. One day, I was carrying three coke cans and a plate of food, I went to turn on a light switch and one of the cokes fell on my big toe. The pain was enormous, and blood started to ooze out of my toenail. Finding a dollar bill in your freshly washed pants is a bonus : Just a minute ago, I pressed off some shorts, and put them on and reached into my pockets. And I found a dollar bill; it feels like wining the lottery, except on a smaller level.

"Who farted? I mean really..." _______________________________________ Deadwood Not Dead yet http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/entertainment/television/14764257.htm HBO and David Milch seemed all but ready to kill the series after its third season, but now there will be two TV movies. These movies will finish the series off right. Milch should take some of the blame for the shows demise, mainly because he seemed to lose interest in the series and has a new surfer series in development for HBO. What an asshole. I loved Deadwood’s first season, and the second season has grown on me, so I am looking forward to season 3. ((A rather strange thing happened to HBO's ``Deadwood'' as the start of its third season loomed. First, HBO all but canceled plans for a fourth season of the revisionist western because of money issues. Then, with fans of the show in full outcry, David Milch, its creator, seemed to pull the plug officially, saying he...

"No more Emilio Estevez , EVER!" All but confirmed 24 movie now… http://www.cinematical.com/2006/06/08/jack-bauer-finally-heading-for-the-big-screen/ ((We're reported a lot on the drips and drabs that have come out over the past few months about the 24 movie and it's now really true -- like, on contracts! -- that Kiefer Sutherland will get the chance to showcase super-duper, nearly indestructible, anti-terrorist badass Jack Bauer on the big screen. According to Variety (and if you can't trust them, who can you trust?) 20th Century Fox has reportedly inked a deal with the show's creators for a film about Bauer having yet another really, really bad day. As rumors previously suggested, they intend to dump the constraints of the 24-hour gimmick for the film, which will free up the writers to just really focus on the story and on Bauer.)) While you’re at it, sign Jack up for another Young Guns movie, even though his character is dead.

Some of the most famous creatures in the games of Silent Hill were the Nurses. They seemed to be in every Silent Hill game, except SH4. They are also in the movie too. I was looking through the boards on Imdb.com and found this funny thread. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384537/board/nest/42758248 Did anyone else find them hot? A lot of the monsters are dancers in real life, so it makes sense. blackharbinger Dude, I've been debating on whether to post this topic for the last 30 minutes. Yeah, they were hot. I would be one necrophilia nurse humping Mother F...! Believe me, every single MAN that seen this movie saw those nurses with the nice rack and killer bodies and thought the same thing, at least until they showed the face, then it was paper bag time. I'd still hit 'em; gotta watch that knife, though. I bet there were even some women that thought, "Hey, her tits look better than mine! Oh my god, I'd kill for a pair of legs like hers!" Big...

Keeping up with the Boll Bashing, here’s the link to the trailers to the movie BloodRanyne . Why is Billy Zane in this movie? http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/bloodrayne/trailers.php talk about a bad trailer.

Uwe Boll suing over BloodRayne’s failure at the box office http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr/film/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1002613793 Comment: Go here for the source and more details http://www.trekbbs.com/threads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=6141766&an=0&page=0#Post6141766 (( The producers of "BloodRayne" sued their U.S. distributor Monday for allegedly failing to properly promote or distribute the action horror film.)) Uh, how can one promote a turd? From what I heard, this wass one of the worst movies of last year. I checked http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/bloodrayne/ and it has a five percent in ratings. Pretty much every reviewer agrees that the movie was terrible I just love how no one holds themselves responsible for their own failures, and they simply spin or sue other people. Mr. Boll should not make another film again. ((The film grossed about $2.4 million at the domestic boxoffice.)) Here are just samples of so...