Elliot Rodger My thoughts...

Elliot Rodger My thoughts...

I've been sitting on this story until most of the facts have been floating to the surface. The things this kid did were horrible, and he's a monster. He had no right to cause so much terror in the name of being a lonely guy. However, I went through similar things growing up. I didn't have a normal family structure (divorce) and had a stuttering/learning problems in my really younger years. These things set me aside as being normal, thus not having many friends.

In middle and high school, it became apparent to me that women either found me very unattractive or didn’t know I existed. I just wasn’t considered an alpha male and I didn’t have the family money.  And, that’s what’s confusing about this Elliot guy; he had the money for even the most shallow of chicks to give him a double take.  I drove around in a 76 brown piece of shit car that had smelly leather seats.  Nobody was going to talk to me in that thing.  Oh, and I was in the marching band...instant chick deflector. 

 Being black, I had black girls look completely down on me because I didn’t “talk” black.  (Remember, one black woman recently stated I had no swagger, as if that’s the most important thing in life.) I knew I wasn’t attractive, but that didn’t stop the black girls from reminding me of that.  They made it be known they had zero interest in me. I didn’t really fit in with the normal groups in middle and high school.  In the black community you have to like and dress the same manner as the cool kids or you were seen as being a loser, or worst a sellout. 

I had to find other outcast people, and we formed our own group.  Of course, there were zero girls in our group.  I dressed my own way and acted the way I wanted to.  I knew that no woman was going to find me interesting or attractive, so I “went my own way”.

I didn’t even bother trying to find a date for prom.  I didn’t even bother going to prom.  I knew my limits and getting any girls to even embarrass themselves to be my date was out of the question. However, I didn't blame the girls for that. They weren't interested in the nice nerdy types.

It took me a long and painful time to realize I couldn’t socialize with people on a normal people.  I came to the conclusion that I would constantly have problems “pulling the chicks” and being in the forever “friend zone”.   At this point, I don’t date anymore or bother “holla-ing” at women.  I don’t have the capacity for socialization and compassion. These are the key things for getting into a meaningful relationship.

So, I worked on myself.  I decided to do things that interested me and, go out all into those hobbies and other things.  Music, writing and biking keep me from turning negatively inward.  And, that’s the thing you have to remember.  Negatively toward yourself will totally destroy you and it has been constant battle for me due to my increase depression.  Nothing is easy, but you have to fight.

Rodger was so full hate and frustration that he turned it on innocent folks.  That is selfish and just stupid.  It’s sad to keep seeing people that have had the same background as me lash out and hurt people on a grand scale.  If things are that bad in your life, you don’t have to inflict your pain onto the rest of the world by hurting others. 

There seemed to be this entitlement in everything that he wrote about.  “Why aren’t women interested in me?” That’s the hand you got dealt, work on yourself.  In my high school, you never really saw any lonely/sad rich boys; they all had the shallow good-looking chicks on their shoulders.  Even the lower-class alpha males had chicks.  I’m guessing Elliot gave off a creepy vibe that every woman felt from the get go. 

So here are some key points I would have taught younger confused self. Hopefully someone suffering the same things I went through growing up will read these points.

-Work on yourself:  That means not letting negative thoughts destroy you, because they will.  They won’t disappear overnight, but you can fend then off by getting treatment and trying to work on yourself. 

-Find something you enjoy and dive completely in it: Writing and riding my bicycle keep my mind from the negative things in my life.  Having something to look forward to and build upon will help you. 

-Stop caring about what people say about you:  There is one thing everyone that knows me personally is fully aware. I go my own path without a care about how people feel about me.  This also took me a long time to understand too.  If you like me, fine.  If you hate me, f’ you I don’t care.  Now, I’ve taken things back that have hurt people (I’ve deleted a few blog post), but as far as random people judging me on my lack swagger or the way I talk, I don’t care.  

 Sorry football uniforms get chicks, band uniforms get laughs.