Disaster Movie
If shit could
film and edit itself, this movie would probably be the byproduct of that
venture. Never has a movie felt more
rushed and pasted together than this unfunny piece of a shit. With a few moments of chuckles here and
there, I actually came away from the movie angry at the world for letting this
movie be released in theaters. This
movie is beyond terrible.
Friedberg and
Seltzer, the two assholes directors from Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans, unleashed
this mess onto the planet. The movie was
filmed within months of its release date after Meet the Spartans turn into a
hit for the pair. And, it shows. Somehow, they managed to make a movie even worse
than their other entries. Usually, filmmakers
improve upon their past works, and they’ve gone backwards. The editing and acting is really awful.
It is hard to
even explain the plot of the movie because nothing even remotely makes
sense. And, that’s where Fartface and
Sputzer show that they have no idea how to make a compelling parody movie. Most good parodies have a straight or
somewhat straight plot that the jokes and references can grow out of without it
seeming jarring. The Airplane and the
Naked Gun series are good examples of that.
There is
something about a crystal skull and planetary disasters being linked somehow,
but they also throw in killer chipmunks and Beowulf for some reason. The movie doesn’t even bother staying on track
on making fun of disaster movies and goes into other genres. Screw the plot.
There are points
when they would cut away and have a super long bit that takes away from the
main plot, and these side bits always ran too long to be mildly amusing. At one point, Kim Kardashian and Carmen Electra wrestle
for a good three minutes and even a horny guy like I started getting bored with
the scene. I find both Kim and Carman attractive,
but the wrestling scene was too long. And,
you get scenes like this throughout the movie and none of them are funny in any
manner.
Like other Friedberg and Seltzer movies,
characters will literally spell out the joke for you by saying, “Hey, look it
is…” That’s just lazy writing. If they don’t care about their movie, why
should we?
Nicole Parker as
the Enchanted Princess is the only performance worth watching in the movie
because it is so out there and crazy.
They could have centered a movie on her character. She’s only thing funny in the story.
Luckily, the
movie didn’t do that well box office-wise. So, that’s a good thing. However, that didn’t stop the directing pair
from making another movie. (Vampires
Suck)
Avoid this movie
at all cost, unless you like torturing yourself. The movie will cause pain, rashes and
death. This movie makes me hate myself
for watching it and the makers of this movie.
F’ this movie and f’ Friedberg and Seltzer.
Grade: F-
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