New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions

1. No more running through red lights: Okay, university police, I won’t run through freaking red lights. Thank you for giving me a 15-dollar ticket with 100-dollar court cost. When you’re not looking…

2. Try to be more open-minded: A few fart-knockers at work have told I’m narrow-minded, so now I will attempt be open-minded about shit. Starting today, I will be 25% more open-minded.

3. Will be nicer to people: Yep, I’ve been told I have to be nicer to people. I’ll probably forget this one. I like treating people like crap.

4. Flirt more with cute waitresses’: I am actually pretty good with this and need to do this more. It’s a hobby. I’ll pass on the waiters though.

5. Don’t lose my temper as much when driving: I usually get very pissed when I get behind a mini-van or car and have to drive slower because they want to drive 15 below the speed limit. I’ll try not to cut them off when I pass them, or flip them off. This will be the hardest.

6. Attempt to stay out of the middle of Internet Scandals: Need I say more? I’m still getting 10-15 hits off that damn scandal everyday.