Sunday, January 31, 2010

Chat Roulette, my take on it

(http://chatroulette.com/) Chat Roulette

Chat Roulette is basically what is says it is. It a basic designed webcam site that randomly connects you to a single other webcam room where you can chat with a complete stranger. You uses the (next) function to reconnect with other people.

There is even a rather funny meme for this site (Check it here).

A co-worker of mine introduced me to the site in question. So, I finally figured out how it worked and started to skip through the site. I was not prepared with what I found in there. (BTW, I turned off my cam.)

Here are a few encounters I had with some of the random cams.

~20-30 guys masturbating: I'm talking full on penis on their cams...up close. Really, who really wants to see a dude having at himself live online. Guys, you don't look appealing wanking off on a live chat. Women do, but not you. I'm not making this up there were a lot of naked dudes on this site. And, how are you going to chat with him with him only using one hand. The naked guys is a major turn off on this site. So, I've seen more cock today than any straight man should. You don't see many girls doing this in the damn chat.

~A woman dressed as a Na'vi from Avatar: There isn't much to be said about that.

~The Jonas Brothers???: There was a random channel with three dudes that bore a resemblance to the Jonas Brothers. My first thought was, “What the hell are they doing here?”

~A few hot Chinese and Japanese chicks: No nudity, sorry.

~A guy in a dust surgeon mask and a clown wig: I have no idea what context this is under.

I've been told some people I know have had better luck with this chat thing. One guy convinced two females to take their tops off. All I got were naked dudes pleasing themselves.

Make sure to try it out yourself, just don't it during work. I don't like the randomness and the huge number of naked men, so I think I'm going to give up on this site. It is a novel idea, but it is too bad a bunch of naked dudes have to ruin it for all. But, don't take my word for it...read the book, uh the web page.



Friday, January 29, 2010

Mariah Carey: Fantasy (Sweet Dub Mix)

Mariah Carey: Fantasy (Sweet Dub Mix)

I’ve only heard this remix only a few times on the radio. Say what you want about Mariah as a person, but girlfriend can sing and has a voice on her. There are a lot of remixes to this song. Here’s the kicker she sings every remix differently. That means she sings every remix of this Fantasy.

-Here is a piano cover.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Gamer

King Leonidas vs. Dexter

_______________________________________

Gamer

In the future, convicted murderers get a second chance at freedom by playing a deadly live game where the entire world is watching. One man, who was framed for murder, is getting ready to finish his final battles that will lead him to freedom.

Where have we heard that before? Oh, yeah The Running Man, the Condemned, and Death Race 2000. Heck, the only different spin they put on it is the videogame players controlling the murderers on the battlefield. So, yes that is something new. It is too bad they don’t really explore that aspect of it too much. The gamer can move the prisoner around in a real battlefield, but it would seem the prisoner is able to fire his own weapon.

I found the concept of the people from the Internet controlling real people to be interesting. There is also a real-life Sims game except in this movie the game is very X-rated. I really do like the two gaming worlds, but Crank directors Neveldine and Taylor can’t seem to focus on one storyline. And these stories get dropped fast.

Gamer has the same problems that the Crank movies had. Naveldine and Taylor are like two young kids on a sugar high. The movie skips around never fully exploring anything too long. Then, they throw in Ludacris and his band of Matrix rejects. Ludacris’s Matrix Rejects are hackers rebelling against the system and the game. Like everything else, the Ludacris story goes nowhere.

You can even tell that Navaldine and Taylor wanted to tell a deeper story, but simply didn’t have the chops to do it. So, it turns into a random action movie toward the end of the movie that looks more like Crank 2 than anything else.

-Did I mention there was a goofy dance number? Yep, the main villain (Dexter) has a dance number with his fellow henchmen. It could have worked, but it was done so poorly that I felt it went on too long.

-The Sims knockoff is strange eye candy.

Gamer was their attempt to do something a little deep. I think they got there by 25%. It is just a shame they have this 5-minute attention span and don’t fully explore those interesting concepts. Gamer feels disjointed and confusing. While stealing from other prison/gladiator action films that did it better, it doesn’t stand up.

Grade: D+


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Jonah Hill, it is time

This picture is from a Movieline.com interview.

Uh, what happened to Jonah Hill? I noted that in Funny People that he had gotten bigger. But, damn he’s now officially in Chris Farley territory.

I still think Hill is funny, but damn he needs to watch out.

Anyway, check out the trailer to his new movie, Cyrus. It looks pretty funny. Uh, Marisa Tomei looks amazing in it.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Those Kobe Bryant puppet ads are creepy.

Those Kobe Bryant puppet ads are creepy.

Nice, so we can now own overpriced shoes that can cause fires too. Who thought these creepy puppets were a good idea. And, I guess Nike wants us to forget that Kobe has cheated on his wife multiple times. That’s really not important.

These strange ads are promoting his new 2010 shoes. And, make sure to drop some cash because at Foot Locker they will run you around $129.99. For that price, those shoes had better cook me breakfast in the morning.

I've never understood why people pay outrageous prices for a name of a sports guy.

The Fresh Prince Attacks a religious TV show.

The Fresh Prince Attacks a religious TV show.

This is the best Fresh Prince video yet. I love that she starts to get really mad at the pranks.

Here's that same guy getting tricked. Did this guy even watch Star Wars?

Here's the Family Guy bit.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Gary Coleman in jail

See that face? That is anger of years of typecasting and horrible commercials.
_____________________________________________

Gary Coleman in jail

I don’t remember the episode of Different Strokes where Arnold gets arrested. Oh, wait that just happened. Gary Coleman is one of those guys that has so much bitter and hate build up inside him from over the years that it isn’t a surprise he ended up in jail. For a man so tiny, he has a lot of hate built up.

From CNN, ((Former child actor Gary Coleman remained in a Utah jail Monday after being booked on an outstanding arrest warrant relating to a domestic violence case, authorities said.))

((Coleman could get out of jail by posting a $1,725 bail, but that has not happened, Harris said.))

Well, something tells me he doesn’t have sitcom money sitting around anymore. He may have security guard money though.

The funniest part of the story is this line.

((Coleman's mug shot released by the jail showed that he was "not too happy," Harris said.))

Well, no shit. Most people are generally not happy when they receive a mug shot, with the exception of Kat Williams and Andy Dick.

I guess Gary Coleman could spin this into a reality show. He could go around and beat up anyone that even mentions his old sitcom character. We can call it “What ya talking about?”

Side note: You have to wonder if his wife even knew what she was getting into when she married this loser…



Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes

Think of this movie as Tony Stark playing Sherlock Holmes. The reason I say that is because Sherlock Holmes sits around his lab inventing strange things just like Robert Downey Jr.’s character in Iron Man. Downey brings that same frantic genius to the Sherlock Holmes character. Actually, Downey’s characters from both franchises might just be extensions of his own personality. Both of his characters are reckless, but really intelligent people.

Sherlock Holmes is Guy Ritchie’s best post-Madonna movie to date. And, it is good to see a Madonna-free Ritchie try something a little more mainstream. Sherlock Holmes has a lot going for it, even with a few glaring flaws. Some of Ritchie’s snappy dialogue and sharp editing sometimes harms the time period the movie is set in.

However, Ritchie’s vision of London is one full of people of various lifestyles and beliefs. I’ve never seen a Sherlock Holmes movie look this full of people and colors.

-Jude Law is brilliant as Dr. John Watson. Actually, Law fits into the role better than Downey does as Sherlock. The central character arc involves their friendship. Watson is moving ahead with his life without Sherlock in it, and that’s causing tension between the two.

- I really like Rachel McAdams’s strong female character in the movie. I think the movie could have used more of her. She does have an important connection to a famous villain in Sherlock’s history.

-The movie tends to drag a bit in some places, and the movie as a whole probably needed a bit more time in the editing room. It felt a bit long.

-We get to see exactly how Sherlock’s mind works in various scenes. And, that is the real reason to see this movie. Everything seems logical and smart in the way his mind flows. I also enjoyed the way they explained everything through Sherlock’s mind.

-Hans Zimmer’s score is very fitting in the movie. Zimmer does a stand up job with the music.

In the end, Sherlock Holmes is a fun movie. It is probably Guy Ritchie’s most mainstream movie to date, but don’t let that keep you away from seeing this movie if you’re a Ritchie fan. Even though the trailer makes the movie out to be a smashing action hero Sherlock Holmes, that’s not the case at all. The movie is bit too long for its own good, but still a good gateway for younger people to see Sherlock Holmes.

Grade: B-

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Andy Dick arrested again?

Where is the punchline?

Andy Dick arrested again?

I've listen to Andy Dick over at Adam's Podcast show, but I still don't like the guy. I think he goes overboard with his behavior. And do we really need to get into his extended drug past? His biggest problem is keeping his hands off other people, because it has landed him in jail

From Herald Dispatch, ((Dick was taken into custody after two men accused him of groping them at Rum Runners, at 819 3rd Ave. According to a press release from Huntington Police issued at 12:26 p.m. Saturday, officers responded to a call to investigate "two alleged incidents of a patron engaging in non-consensual sexual contact with a bar employee and another patron." ))

I don't understand why he thinks it is funny touching people in strange places without permission. Instead of grabbing a man's crotch, how about telling some funny jokes, Andy?

Oh, he's done this before.

((A July 2008 release from the MTV Newsroom, stated Dick was arrested in California on suspicion of drug possession and sexual battery. He allegedly grabbed and pulled down the tank-top of a 17-year-old girl, exposing her breasts. ))

Boundaries, Andy, Boundaries. I remember Dr. Drew being a bit worried about Andy on Adam Carolla's show.

Do I also have to mention the Phil Hartman story and his connection?

Maybe he feels more comfortable in a jail cell...

And, the bigger issue is this; Who would pay to see Andy Dick anyway?

Jarrod Norrell Arrested for Sucking?

Don't taze him, bro...

Jarrod Norrell Arrested for Sucking? (Story behind the story)

Again, the damn auditions are better than the damn show.

Make sure to check out the video of Jarrod Norrell's terrible singing. It almost feels staged, except for the moment he realizes his dreams are crushed. That seems very real. I've seen that look many times and you can't stage that.

Of course, Jarrod has a Facebook. You can befriend him if you like. He also has a Myspace. It looks like he really likes music, it is just too bad he can't sing. You have to wonder how it feels to know the whole world knows you can't sing and is handcuffed in the process?

When even the cops arrest you for singing badly, you know it is time to give it up. Too bad Steven Seagal wasn't there to arrest him.

I'm sorry, Jarrod, Larry Platt and his Pants on the Ground song have you beat.

By the way, I smell a legal development out of this incident.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Fun with Comments

I love it when a comment comes together.

Days later, I got a comment from AndrAlaSprite on my Alvin and Chipmunks movie rant. He/she left this wonderful remark.

((I'm disgusted by self-appointed critics like you, who think only the Hollywood machine can make a satisfying movie.))

First off, that you call it a machine is part of the problem with Hollywood these days. The product feels like a product created by “the machine”. It should feel like it was made by a workshop and with heart. And, there are plenty of satisfying movies out there.

Second, I had no idea I was a self-appointed critic. I know that I’m a self-appointed shitty blogger that can’t write worth a damn, but I didn’t know I was promoted to self-appointed critic too. And, if you think my opinions disgust you, you shouldn’t see me dance. You’ll be beyond disgusted.

By the way, the real critics haven’t really loved the movie either (21%)

((The Squeakquel, like everything featuring the Chipmunks, is powered by the Bagdasarian family's love for their late patriarch (played by Jason Lee in these most recent movies).))

If you say so…

((If you prefer corporate marketing-driven films like Disney's crass attempt to expand its Princess brand, well then I guess that's your taste -- but I don't have to swallow it.))

Uh, the movie was distributed by 20th Fox. Fox isn’t exactly tiny company with a tiny marketing branch.

And, Disney has done a good job balancing popular movies with art. Why all the hate on Disney?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Christina Hendricks and the New York Times Controversy

I’ve stated before, I really dig Christina Hendricks. I think she has an amazing body and a pretty face. I also like her character on Mad Men. While I can understand why some guys would find her a bit too much woman, I think she’s the prefect size. She has it in the right spots.

The Samurai Frog has some pictures of her at the Golden Globes showing a bit of her “glowing globes” in that stunning dress. Now, Thomwade has discovered the story about the controversy over her “glowing globes” picture with some news paper. (News Story here)

It seems some women in the New York Times have been attacking the Christina Hendricks. The portion of the story that has pissed me off this from Cathy Horyn, ((Not pretty Christina Hendricks in Christian Siriano’s exploding ruffle dress. (As one stylist said, “You don’t put a big girl in a big dress. That’s rule number one.”) ))

Let me be the first to tell you to F' off, Cathy. One has to wonder why she had to make that “Not Pretty” snipping remark. I'm sorry but Christina is amazing in that dress. It goes back to the problem I have with the fashion industry as a whole. People are sick of seeing paper thin chicks, but you will keep hearing how Christina is too big. Go to heck.

Here's the kicker, there used to be an distorted image of Christina that made her look wider on the right side of the post. Now, if I was really a mean person, I'd post a picture of Cathy Horyn here on this post, but I will refuse to do that. But, let's just say my suspicions of her “looks” were correct. Just Google her name and see the images. Rough is an understatement.

Here's my favorite Christina moment from Mad Men, enjoy.

BTW, Christina Hendricks isn't a “Big Girl”, the woman destroying a McDonald's Counter is a big girl. Get your facts straight.



McDonald's Rampage: they found her

McDonald's Rampage (The Rumble with Ronald)

Do you remember that video of the angry customer throwing a water dispenser, wet floor sign and destroying all the cash register computers? Well, the police finally caught up with her and arrested her.

Listen, I've had bad days. Hell, I've constantly had fast food restaurants mess up my order, but I've never wanted to destroy the whole store because they screwed up.

I don't feel bad for the employees that had to witness the rampage. I feel bad for the Joe Six Pack that was feeling hungry and went inside to discover the entire front counter is destroyed. That means no orders for him.

Naturally, Alesha has a facebook and she hasn't set it private either. And, this is where it starts to get fun.

Here’s why I like Facebook. The incident happened on December 27, her posts stop from the 24th to 29th. She continues to post after the video of reaches viral status. Keep in mind it is hard for me to understand her text messages on Facebook.

She got arrested on Sunday (10th).

Now on January 6, she did make this strange post, ((It wazn.t mehh . . I dont knw wat yaw talkn bout. . Freehh meh bro doe . .my twin b4 i snap. . N Naijee . .Bonnie sign.n aahhfff w@r@ Clyde. . n wasup T2))

Can someone tell me what this all means? I can tell she said, “It wasn’t me. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, her postings stopped because the police found her in a closet (allegedly).

After getting out of jail, she had this to say. ((Just got out . . It wasnt shit. Eye juss sat n da city jail 4 a couple days. . 12 yearz wat . . Fuck dat meh got a life2 live . . Jail aint 4meh. . Meh not a animal. . N fuck da sucka.z dat gave meh name im lmmfaorh. . Cuz meh frreehh u haterz wanted me gone but im bakk . .yea blow wit meh doe im out freehh me bro loveU2 death bonnie sign.n aahhff. .))

Maybe I don't understand the text, but it doesn't seem she's that sorry about it. And, I have to wonder which is the real reaction because she has a completely different attitude in this video.

There should be a new policy at McDonald’s. If the customer gets rowdy, give them a Happy Meal.

Should she go to jail for causing 3k worth of damage? I think she should be forced to watch Mac and Me 100 times.



Conan vs. Jay (CGI style)

Conan vs. Jay (CGI style)

What in the hell is this?

I swear someone from the late night wars needs to make fun of this.

I love the Captain Amercia NBC dude, but Jimmy Kimmel looks very strange.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Jay Leno "Nerfed"

Jay Leno: disheveled

I found this delightful picture of Mr. Leno over at the Adam Carolla Podcast and I got a huge laugh out of it. I could probably think of a hundred captions for the picture. Here are a few.

-That Subway sandwich was meant for Conan O'Brien.

-What, no Doritos with that sandwich, Jay.

-Are you taking Jared's job at Subway too?

-I guess the 10 PM time slot really did a number on him.

-This picture is funnier than any joke Jay has made in the last ten years.

Jersey Shore (Review)

Jersey Shore

Jersey Shore is the only reality that literally will make you dumber the longer you watch it. JS is the sum of all the negative attributes of the human race. Unlike Dog the Bounty Hunter or Lawman, there isn’t anything positive or entertaining to take away from this show. I even I have question the sanity of the people who think this show is good entertainment.

The show is shit and you will feel like shit for watching it.

Basically, MTV took all those things that annoyed people from their show The Real World and transplanted to the Jersey Shore. Except here we get to hear and watch people dance to really bad trance music as the pump their fists into the air…despite being off beat. This is The Real World on cheat codes (99 lives).

You’ll get over-tanned guys with blown out hairdos and self-centered chicks that think the world orbits around them. Words can’t express how much I hate these people and it sickens me that the show has become so popular. It seems every episode is about them fighting off some drunk club-goers.

And the worst of the bunch is the so-call mascot of the show…

Snooki: She is the Reality Star version of Jar-Jar Binks. She’s this little ewok creature that dances around wanting everyone’s attention. And, trust me, I feel bad for her getting hit in the face by some d-bag Gym teacher. I don’t understand the fame and attention she’s getting outside the show on talk shows and interviews. She may very well be the female version of Jon Gosselin. What has she done to deserve this attention?

So, would I recommend Jersey Shore to someone? I don’t want anyone watching this show not even my enemies. Jersey Shore sums up everything I hate about the Twitter/Texting/Duck Face crowd. They think their feelings and actions are more important than the rest of the world. You’re just another group that has 15 minutes of fame…and the clock is ticking.

So, this is a PSA: Watch anything else other than Jersey Shore.

Grade: F-

Trucker Hat: Check
Bug Glasses: Check
Stray Tan: Check
Pissing me off: Check

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A New Year not to remember

A New Year not to remember…

That’s right this is picture I was telling you about with the woman passed out at the New Year party. She arrived at the party with a group of friends and was some guy’s date. She was shit-faced drunk when she showed up and disappeared into the bathroom.

The guy that brought her to the party just left her in the bathroom in that position. He went on to party as she slept on the toilet seat. She probably stayed in there a good 40 minutes.

Way to start the New Year by not remembering it.

Somehow, this post will get me into trouble...

AYDS Commercial

AYDS Commercial

I had no idea this product existed. From what Wiki states, this product came out in the 70s. And, it was a popular product too...until the other AIDS appeared. The company lost a lot of sales because of the name. They needed a name change and they needed it fast.

So, what did they rename their product?

Diet Ayds...That didn't help.

Bad timing...

Monday, January 18, 2010

Kanye West/Taylor Swift revisited

Kanye West/Taylor Swift revisited

I love the banjo music with the auto-tune with Taylor Swift. Thank you, Kanye, for introducing me Swift…thanks a lot…

Remix “Pants on the ground” (American Idol)

Remix “Pants on the ground”

I really hate American Idol, but this DJ Porter remix makes watch anything AI better.


The last few seconds of this remix make it better. Auto-tune makes any AI reject sound better. Did they just find this guy in a dumpster and throw him in front of camera?

Tekken (New Movie Trailer)

Tekken (New Movie Trailer)

From the IMDB page,

((A Young Man Who seeks revenge of his mothers death. He finds his grand-father, Heihachi Mishima, and pleas to be trained. When the Mishima leader announces a "King of Iron Fist" tournament. He finds out that his mother's killer, OGRE, will be participating in the tournament. He must fight against the worlds top competitors to achieve his goal with no interference. ))

Wow, I like the designs, but I don’t like the acting in the trailer. It seems like someone mashed up DOA, Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat into one strange movie soup. BTW, the studio is really keeping this movie away from the North American public. They won’t say if there will be a NA theatrical release, but it will have a real release in Japan.

-Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is in this movie: Uh, didn’t he play another badass main villain Shang Tsung in the first Mortal Kombat movie? Now, he’s playing the badass villain Heihachi Mishima. I guess he likes fighting videogames. I really am a huge fan of Tagawa, but still…

-Why does this feel like Dragon Ball Evolution?

-What’s up with the cheap head-banging music in the trailer?

Jennifer’s Body

Jennifer’s Body

I wasn’t expecting much from this horror movie, but it turned out much better than I thought. With one major casting flaw, Jennifer’s Body comes across more uneven than horrible. I first thought the movie was going to be about bashing boys and showing girl power, but it isn’t about that at all.

A crappy band of devil worshipers decide to sacrifice a virgin in order to get famous. The only problem is the cheerleader they pick to kill isn’t a virgin. Because Jennifer has already been de-flowered, the demonic sacrifice becomes twisted and Jennifer starts eating people.

Diablo Cody’s script ranges from being completely solid to strange hipster talk. The hipster talking is sometimes a bit much to handle because Cody’s script does have some interesting things to say. One of the things Cody does correct is the relationship between Jennifer and Needy. Despite the gore and violence, their relationship feels real. Many girls do grow up with these strange friendships that guys would never have. Cody understands this, and the movie needed more of this to fill out the story. But, there is something here enduring about what is in the script.

The movie also needed a few more murders. Yet, the gore is pretty intense in some scenes. The movie certainly doesn’t shy away from showing us a lot of blood and guts. There is a bit of decent humor thrown in there too.

Amanda Seyfried as Needy portrays the nerdy girl fairly well. She never goes completely over the top with the hipster talk, and makes her believable. I certainly remember some girls like her back in my high school days. The rest of the cast is fair.

However, the biggest problem with the movie is Megan Fox. Megan Fox looks very hot, but damn she can’t act worth a damn. Even playing the “hot” girl in high school, she has trouble with that character. Fox has no business headlining movies.

Diablo Cody’s movie isn’t as good as Juno, but it does do some things right. And, it is certainly more fulfilling than some of those atrocious PG13 horror films (I’m looking at you One Missed Call).

Grade: C

Note:

-BTW, this is the same director that brought us the mess ├ćon Flux. Man, she did a better job with this movie.

Bell Biv Devoe vs. Cameo (Word Up vs. Poison)

Bell Biv Devoe vs. Cameo (Word Up vs. Poison)

I never realized how well these two songs mashed together.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Top 50 Bad Movies of the 2000s (41-50)

All those Spoof movies: Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans: To be fair, Date Movie isn’t as bad as the other two movies. And, I haven’t gotten around to watching their last movie Disaster Movie.
___________________________________________________________
Miami Vice


Miami Vice: This is a remake made by the man that helped write the original show. Heck, I liked the old TV, and I still remember watching it on NBC way back in the day. Jamie Foxx and Ferrell are too serious here. One thing Michael Mann forgot to add to this movie was entertainment. It was like he was trying his hardest to make the anti-Bad Boys that he forgot to make the film viewable for the rest of the audience. If I didn’t go with friends, I would have walked out of this movie.


__________________________________________________________________
American Outlaws

American Outlaws: Colin Ferrell plays a “young gun” that fights against the establishment as other “young guns” join him in the fight. This is a blatant rip-off of Young Guns except with Moby playing in the titles. That’s right they had Moby music playing in the opening credits. Replace Jesse James with Billy the Kid. The best part of this movie is the catch phrase on the poster “Bad is good again.” Terry O'Quinn not only plays a character in Young Guns, but has a role in this movie too! What makes this really a bad movie is that they made it as if someone from MTV directed it. Young Guns felt like a Western, this feels like a MTV show set in a western.

___________________________________________________________________
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed: Critics hated first movie, and children loved it. To everyone’s surprise, the first movie was a massive hit. Of course, the studio rushed another sequel out. They didn’t even bother to upgrade the FX on Scooby-Doo for the second movie. You can throw in the Garfield sequel in the place of this one if you want.

___________________________________________________________________________________
The Spirit

The Spirit: Think of this over stylized movie as a cheap remake of 300 and Sin City. What was director Frank Miller thinking? I’m not sure if he was trying to be campy or just stupid. No one comes out of this movie looking good, except for Eva Mendes’ ass, which has many close-ups. This movie shouldn’t be confused with the animated movie with the Bryan Adams soundtrack. Though this movie could have used a little Adams music. The movie pissed off Spirit fans and regular movie watchers alike. Thank you, Frank Miller, on proving you can’t direct.

__________________________________________________________________
The Marine

The Marine: I already ripped into this movie proper in my review, but let’s just say that John Cena has more in common with driftwood in real acting in this overblown PG-13 action movie. Everyone drives supped-up cars, including the police. Cena runs around with the same dumb expression throughout the movie.

___________________________________________________________________
Taxi


Taxi:
Not to be confused with the TV show, this Luc Besson remake just doesn’t stand up after several viewings. I don’t know who thought putting Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon in the same movie was a good idea. Fallon tries his best here, but it ends up destroying his fledging movie career. Did I mention the taxi can transform into a super-taxi with boosters?

___________________________________________________________________
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li: Sure Kristin Kreuk looks cute as Chun-Li, but she can’t act worth a damn. She can’t even do the non-speaking scenes without acting dreadful. Capcom, you’re saying there wasn’t an Asian actress out there that could act and fight that could not fit in the role? Chris Klein is almost as bad as Kristin. This movie is even worst than that DOA movie that came out earlier in decade. You have to decide which Street Fight movie is the worst, the 90s movie or this one.

___________________________________________________________________
Freddy Got Fingered


Freddy Got Fingered: There is no excuse for this random mess passing itself off as a movie. The studio gave Tom Green a lot of money to make this random mess. I’m sure the studio was scratching their heads when they saw the final cut. I mean none of it makes any sense…none of it. There are poop jokes, masturbation jokes, and there gore jokes, yet none of the jokes are funny. Tom Green should re-pay every cent he spent on this movie back to the people that watched it. And, I used to find Tom Green funny, but now I’ve grown out of it.

When your best scene is having your main character wear a sausage hat and pulley system, you know the rest of the movie is going to be shit.


__________________________________________________________________
Battlefield Earth (Worst movie of the Decade)

Battlefield Earth: Disguised as a Star Wars rip off, this sci-fi flick is more of a Scientology propaganda film. All of L. Ron Hubbard’s flaws from his “epic” story are carried over to this film. Why are these powerful aliens so worried about gold? They can jump to great distances in space and they have a huge Empire, but they can’t replicate gold? At one point, John Travolta’s character wants to prove he’s a badass. So, he shoots the legs off cows to prove a point.

This movie has some of the dumbest villain ever created. Travolta’s character never fully explores why his so-called gold was melted into neat little blocks and just goes along with it. Barry Pepper just dances around and grunts at everyone. Travolta laughs like he’s on a Saturday morning cartoon show.

“Piece of cake.”

I’m tempted to go back in time and slap Hubbard in his face and ask him why he wrote the book. Then, I’ll demand my money back.

Take a look yourself.

 
Blog Information Profile for Semaj47