Thursday, December 31, 2009

Top 50 Bad Movies of the 2000s (11-20)

11. The Wicker Man (2006): “How did it get burned?” Nicolas Cage basically runs around the entire movie punching women in the face while wearing stupid outfits. I can’t believe a studio released this movie in its present form. Cage really needs to stop acting.

3000 Miles to Graceland
Want to know how stupid this movie is? Just look at the picture above.
12. 3000 Miles to Graceland: More like 3000 Miles to Shitland…I don’t know who to blame for this road/heist movie. This movie should have been a lay up with Russell and Kevin Costner in the movie. Instead, we get a confusing movie that comes across campy and stupid.

Swept Away
This is Lost without the Smoke Monster or good scripts
13. Swept Away: It is debatable if Madonna can sing, but what isn’t debatable is her acting is terrible. She’s always been a terrible actress, but continues to aim for an acting career. She married director/writer Guy Ritchie and forced him to make this cheap remake about an older woman being trapped on an island with a younger man. In the end, this movie damaged Ritchie’s directing career and proved that Madonna hasn’t gotten better with age. Madonna seems to be a cursed woman because look at the men she’s dated and look at the nosedive their careers have taken because of her. She seems to use men to boost her saggy career when it starts to dip.

Little Nicky
Breathing fire from your mouth might impress the chicks the first time. Just don't try and kiss them with that mouth
14. Little Nicky (2000): Adam Sandler went too far with this movie. Sandler was at the top of the world with the past hits. It seemed he got a little too arrogant and just painted this movie by the numbers. Some people will still defend this movie even today, but it stunk in my book. Some Sandler fans will still defend this movie today, but even they know in their hearts that this movie is a dud.

Hollywood Homicide
Look at Harrison Ford's expression here, you'll be seeing it the whole movie.
15 Hollywood Homicide: This movie seems to get overlooked all the time because of the countless crap that flooded the 2000s. Harrison Ford looks completely bored here. You can also throw in the terrible Josh Hartnett in the mix too. Master P hasn’t seen a bad movie didn’t want to star in. Really, what group was this movie aimed to? Don’t ask me how the director of the very good movie Dark Blue ended up with making this crap.

The Covenant

16 The Covenant: I hate, hate, and hate this movie. What happens if you let WB stars take over a movie? You get this Renny Harlin magic movie with guys walking around with their shirts off. Worst line: “Harry Potter can kiss my ass.” I really hate this movie. There is nothing entertaining about this lame PG13 movie.
BloodRayne17. BloodRayne: I just recently watched this Boll joint, and I have to say this movie looks like a five-year filmed it. Michael Madsen looks completely wasted, and you have to wonder who gave him a sword to begin with. Ben Kingsley proves once again that he loves being in bad movies, because he can’t help himself. Uwe Boll doesn’t care about the material enough to make a coherent story.

Biker Boyz
18. Biker Boyz: Think of this movie as the black version of Fast & Furious and it has some similarities to Torque, which came out the next year. Orlando Jones seems to attract bad scripts, and this was when Jones was in his prime. You know its street when the "boys" is spelled with a "z".

Basic Instinct 2
19. Basic Instinct 2 (2006): Did anyone want to see a completely naked Sharon Stone in this movie? Did anyone ask for a sequel to the first movie? Did anyone even watch this movie? Sharon Stone, you need to stop and start acting your age. This movie would have fit right in during the 90s, too bad it was released on 2006 instead. I remember Sharon Stone forcing this movie into production and then realizing no one wanted to see it.

20. Torque: This movie was one of those many Fast and Furious knockoffs that spawned around the same time. This time it is about motorcycles and thieves. At one point, a motorcycle turns into a CGI model. Did I mention there is a fight between two people using their bikes as weapons?

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Joe Francis is a d-bag

Joe Francis (the guy that created Girls Gone Wild) is considering suing Gawker for naming him Douche Bag of the decade. Threatening to sue Gawker just simply proves that you are a major Douche Bag. However, keep in mind that he has countless accounts of criminal behavior.

And, best part is the douche bag letter he sent to Gawker. Read on,

((Hey Nick,

I am suing you tomorrow personally. You messed with the wrong guy. No one make up lies about me and gets away with it. I lost a 10 million dollar deal as a direct result of you calling me “a rapist”. You will be paying me every dime of that back and more! Are you mentally retarded? Do your research first. I am coming after you harder then I have ever went after anyone. I am going to wipe you off the grid!!!! YOU ARE DONE! I will take everything you have. You, Nick Denton, are truly the “Douche of the Decade” Merry Xmas IDIOT!!! Joe Francis P.S. I sent you an updated picture of how I actually look now so you can masturbate to it because you seem to be quite sexually obsessed with me.))

I'm sorry Joe, but you are the douche bag of the decade. While I give you credit for sticking a camera in front of a bunch of drunk girls, your actions have proven rather douche baggy though.

Well, this is strange

Well, it is a small world. I'm not going to say who, but I'm friends with someone that is friends with another person that made my blog famous a few years back. I can't believe it. That's all I'm going to say. I never realized exactly how close to the story I really was. They say everyone knows someone you know in Louisville.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Cameron vs. fan?

James Cameron is a jerk but…

Cameron has always been an asshole and any fan of Cameron should at this point know he’s a major asshole. Why is it a surprise to anyone that he treats people like shit? Granted, I would have signed the autograph because it would have taken only one minute. But still…

Here’s the problem I have with the whole situation. There is this strange sense of entitlement that certain fans have with stars and creators. They feel that the people creating the art need to bow down to them because they buy their stuff. While I believe you deserve respect and Cameron should have handled it differently, turning from fan to hater is a poor move. Why try to get Cameron to sign an Avatar poser if you didn’t like the movie? Just because they create something doesn’t mean they need to hear shit from you

After the director or actor turns you down the first time, let it go. Why keep pestering him afterwards with signing it? And truth be told, was this guy really a fan? Something tells me he was autograph seeker trying to sell Cameron’s autograph online.

Like I stated before, I’m not defending Mr. Cameron because the guy is a notorious asshole. But don’t hound the man.

Sidebar: Ultra-D-bag John Mayer has decided to add his two cents to the story no matter what.

Sidebar II: This story reminds me of that incident with Gary Coleman and that fan that wanted his autograph. He didn't want to do it, and she insulted him. That led to Coleman getting hit.


Update: I just watched Paranormal Activity and I have to say that I thought it was an interesting movie, but it doesn't live up to the hype. People have been claiming it is an extremely scary movie, but it is more novel than scary.

Anyway, for those that have seen the movie, here is the original ending to the movie. I believe this ending much better than the theatrical ending, or the Alt-ending on the DVD. Why didn't they include this ending on the DVD?

At some point, I'll have a review, but right now I'm really busy and have a few reviews backed up.

Monday, December 28, 2009

AT&T vs NY

AT&T (refuses to sell I-Phones to NY city users)

Luke Wilson hasn't aged well...

Remember that lawsuit that AT&T has against Verizon? You know the one where Verizon claims that they have more coverage than AT&T in their ads. It looks like Verizon might have point here because AT&T is refusing to sell the iPhone to customers in the New York area.

From the Consumerist,

((I was on the AT&T Wireless website trying to get an iPhone. However, when I put in my zip code 11231, the site says the iPhone is unavailable. This seemed a little odd so I started punching in other famous zip codes: 90210, 60609 (spiegel catalog), 02134 (zoom, an old children's show).

For theses cities, LA, Chicago, Boston, iPhone is available. Then I looked up some other zip codes: Dallas, Miami, St. Louis, Philadelphia, San Francisco. All those cities are ok. Then I started putting in more NYC zip codes: midtown, Staten Island, the iPhone available.

This is weird...AT&T has cut off New York City.))

Now, you would think AT&T would solve their issues with one of their biggest markets in the US, but nope. Many people feel they're trying to slow down the congestion of their crowded network by slowing down their sells online.

The best part of this story is the spin AT&T has put on the story.

(("We periodically modify our promotions and distribution channels. The iPhone is available in our New York retail stores and those of our partners," ))

Yet, that doesn't answer the question as to why you cut off online selling of the product.

Maybe Verizon needs to make new ads attacking this fault in AT&T's logic...

Kristanna Loken, what happened?

Kristanna Loken, what happened?

As I am currently watching BloodRayne, I noticed that I have seen the lead actress in much since this movie and T3. She doesn't seem to be a good actress, but she is a stunningly attractive woman. She had so much promise after T3 that it doesn't seem she capture that buzz she had after that movie. Instead, she kept doing Uwe Boll over and over again.

Not only is she doing Boll movies, she also has a role in a National Lampoon's film (The Legend of Awesomest Maximus). I guess she has given up on doing anything legit because she's doing another BloodRayne movie. (BloodRayne 3: Warhammer) Will she continue to make Boll movies?

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Top 50 Bad Movies of the 2000s (1-10)

Top 50 Bad Movies of the 2000s (1-10)

Ah, the 2000s brought us many things. Some of them good and some of them bad. It is a decade of many good movies, but there were tons of bad movies out there. To my surprise, I saw many of them. Now, people might wonder why I might subject myself to some of these shitty movies, but it is because I view myself as a critic. To understand good art, you also have to look at what doesn’t work either. Some movies are so bad that they end up fun (Tango and Cash anyone?)

And, it is fun to rip into shitty movies that have taken away hours of your life. So with that, I am going to rip into my Top 50 Bad Movies of the 2000s. I’ll go through ten movies in each post I do, starting with 1-10 and the worst being number 50.

1. Glitter (2001): Man, I just watched this Mariah Carey movie just recently on TV. I can’t believe how bad Mariah is in this movie. She is terrible. Her makeup is way overdone, because she looks like a clown. Keep in mind that Mariah Carey had a major nervous breakdown during this time. I hate this movie, but soundtrack isn’t that bad.
Meet Dave

2. Meet Dave: Screw Eddie Murphy! If can’t even be bothered to show up to his own premiere, why should we care about the movie? The movie has a robotic Eddie Murphy shitting out dollar bills, enough said.
3. Norbit: How do you copy the Nutty Professor concept, but make it ten times worst? That’s where Norbit comes in. From the same shitty director that brought us Meet Dave, we get this piece of crap brought to us. I personally think Eddie has something against heavier women, because the Rasputia character is beyond mean and evil. I don’t understand why some people like this movie. It is a disgusting little movie and you shouldn’t watch it.
The Love Guru
"Yeah, baby, yeeeaaaahhhh!"
4. The Love Guru: Uh, was this comedy supposed to be funny? It’s like Mike Myers hasn’t left the 90s like the rest of us, because he still uses the same jokes that he wrote back in that decade. The Love Guru is merely a remake of Austin Powers…but crappier. BTW, Jessica Alba’s career went to the birds after this movie.
Kickin It Old Skool
5. Kickin It Old Skool: Yo, Jamie Kennedy, the old white rapper parody thing is played out now. Enough is enough. Stop making movies or I will force you to watch this movie over and over. This movie is lazy. Not even the dancing is that good.
Strange Wilderness

6. Strange Wilderness: Was this even a movie? While the trailers were funny, the actual story isn’t even that funny. It is basically a movie for all of Adam Sandler’s friends to show up and goof off.

Halle Berry: “If we make a break for it now, we can run away from this movie. Are you with me?”

7. Catwoman: This was probably one of my first movie reviews on my blog. It still has a warm place in my heart…like heartburn. When you mix Pitof, Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, and Sharon Stone, you get this mixture of shit. What was WB thinking?



From Blade to this mess.

8. FeardotCom: What happens when you remake The Ring after remaking The Ring? You make this piece of crap. Now, a damn web site can kill you. The movie certainly didn’t help Stephen Dorff’s career. What the hell was this movie about again? So, websites can kill you? Interesting…
One Missed Call
"A better movie is calling you."

9. One Missed Call : Killer cell phones are the main focus of this gutless movie. Any movie that has Margaret Cho playing a seasoned cop has to be bad. Edward Burns is horrid in this silly “The Ring” knockoff. Did I mention the ghost in this movie kills a cat too?
DOA: Dead or Alive:

Even sweaty fighting women can save this flaming turd.

10. DOA: Dead or Alive: This movie based on the very bouncy fighting videogame was so bad that they only released the movie in 500 theaters in the US. There was very little promotion for this movie inside the US. The only reason to see this movie is to see hot women fighting each other. Didn’t they learn anything from the Street Fighter movies or the second Mortal Kombat movie?

Hmm, nice

While trying to find picture for my top worst movies of the decade, I came across this very enticing picture of Halle Berry holding her goods. I have no idea where the hell this picture originated from, but damn I really like it a lot. I've never understand why David Justice and Eric Benét divorced this fine woman. Granted I wouldn't let her drive my car around, but come on

Star Wars Holiday Special (Nostalgia Critic)

Star Wars Holiday Special (Nostalgia Critic)

George Lucas from the wiki page, “If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it." In an online chat with fans, he reportedly said: "The holiday special does not represent my vision for Star Wars." In an interview with Maxim magazine in May 2002, Maxim asked the question, "Any plans for a Special Edition of the Holiday Special?" Lucas responded with "Right. That's one of those things that happened, and I just have to live with it.”

-I remember trying to watch the beginning with Wookiee speak and it was painful.

-What is wrong with Luke Skywalker's makeup. Were they trying to make him look like woman?

-Harrison Ford is just sleepwalking through this movie.

-It is true that Lucas had very little to do with the special and pretty much farmed it out to the network and studio.

I dare anyone to sit through ten minutes of this mess.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

part 4

Part 5

Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Holidays (Yeah, I said the dreaded “H” word)

Enjoy this score from the Batman TAS called "Christmas with the Joker".

Thanks, KYM (I can hear you over how awesome I am)

Another shout-out from a cool site (Know Your Meme)

Since 2005, I’ve been blogging for a long time, so it is always a treat when someone or some site notices me. I’ve had my share of wanted and unwanted attention over the years. But, it is always a treat to have a site I read regularly actually use me as a reference!

That's right, I was linked to a page that explains the meme “I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am”. They linked to me from a post I did back on June, 2005 It was my Wil Wheaton vs, Shatner post from almost five years ago. Man, that was a long time ago.

Anyway, I'd like thank Know Your Meme for the mention.

Yes, she is hot, but you can never have her.


This is a prime example of a Band Nerd. Hell, no one looks good in a band uniform. I wonder if this guy knows he's a meme. Band Nerd from Urban Dictionary, ((a person with no school activities other than band. A person who talks obsessively about the band and the directors. Usually wears fog dog musicwear shirts and makes odd noises saying it is music. They like to congegate in groups and talk about band. They are usually never alone out of fear of rejection and never wonder far from the band hall they also are very nasty closet freaks in large numbers on the band bus where crazy things happen. ))

I feel sorry for this SOB.


By the way, I still get a kick out of this story from the link above about the police chief in Edmonton. I love the fact his ego is so huge that he has investigators looking into who posted these photos of the Meme. Make sure to read about this guy here. It just goes to show that there are at least some cops out there that have a sense of humor.

TLC: Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg

TLC: Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg

Album version

This was TLC's first single from their first album. I fondly remember watching the video in Memphis. I remember my religious family from there not being to happy with video, because the entire song is about single women having no shame in banging whoever they want. I personally loved the video and the New Jack Swing vibe the song had.

The Album version is a little bit longer than the music video version, and ends differently with chorus and beat dropping out at the end. The bright clothes and strange use of condoms made a huge impression on every young person during the 90s. It should be noted that they went for a more Tomboy look here, but changed to a more sexier look for their second album.

And, you can't go wrong with a line like this, “2 inches or a yard rock hard or if it's saggin' ”. Really?

Video version

-Did I mention how sexy Chilli looks here?

-I guess there is a dark skinned brother for those that swing that way too. Why is he so sweaty?

-For some reason, the words “Safe Sex” flies around attacking people. Watch as people dodge the red letters “Safe Sex”.

-The line “breaking the waterbed” is heard here. If you're having that much rough sex, you might not want to invest in a water bed.

Smoothed Down Remix

Actually, this version sounds move refined.

Left Eye's remix (3-minutes and counting version)

This version is heavy on the hip-hop and is pretty much only Left-Eye in the beginning. The rest of TLC shows up in the second part of this version. This version has grown on me and I like it a lot.

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